artificial insemination kit for humans
By: Jamie Harper
Updated: July 2, 2021
Originally Published: July 2, 2021
Where do I even start, friends? It was the morning of my yearly OB-GYN appointment. Unlike many women, I don’t dread this day. In fact, I look forward to it! My doctor is one of my favorite people; he helped bring my four kids into the world. Who wouldn’t appreciate that? The office staff is always friendly, making me feel at ease. I woke up feeling cheery and ready to tackle the day.
I hopped into the shower, finally managing to do so without any kids barging in, and I remembered to lock the door! I shave my legs daily—it’s just my thing. I can’t stand hair. This day was no exception, except I had grabbed a fresh razor. As I was shaving my left shin, I got a little too enthusiastic and ended up slicing into my skin. Blood was everywhere! Picture the infamous shower scene from “Psycho.” It was a disaster.
After cleaning up, I realized I needed to address the wound properly. I wiped away the blood, but it kept flowing. I applied lotion to my legs (otherwise, they look like an alligator’s skin) and gingerly worked around the cut. I managed to somewhat stop the bleeding and grabbed a large piece of toilet paper to assist. The lotion acted like glue, and the toilet paper stuck perfectly. I thought I was all set and continued with my day.
Did I mention I’m wearing a pricey knee brace that cost nine hundred dollars? Yeah, I am. Not only am I frustrated about the expense, but I’m also annoyed that at just 42, my body feels like it’s falling apart. Ugh! I can’t wear pants or my beloved yoga capris; I’m limited to shorts and dresses since the brace must touch my skin to stay put. Anyway, I put on my brace, dressed up in a nice outfit, did my hair and makeup, and headed downstairs. I said goodbye and kissed my husband and four kids before leaving.
Upon arriving at the hospital, I met a friendly man in the elevator who apologized for wearing pajama pants due to leg swelling. I smiled and reassured him it was fine. I got off on the third floor and was greeted by two delightful folks conducting COVID screenings. After answering their questions and complimenting one woman’s mask, I made my way to the office.
I walked in and was met by a cheerful nurse who handed me some paperwork. After a quick chat and blood pressure check with another nurse, I undressed, removed my knee brace, and donned the gown. Then, my wonderful doctor came in. Seeing him is always a pleasure; I’ve been his patient since I was 20 and trust him with my most personal health issues. He conducted all the necessary exams, and after some friendly conversation, it was time to go. I waved goodbye and received a referral for a mammogram before heading to the next building.
I made my way back to the elevator, exchanged pleasantries with the screeners, and drove to the breast center. I spoke with the receptionist, who informed me they were fully booked, so I set an appointment to return. As I approached my van, I noticed a flash of white. Curious, I looked down, only to realize—oh my goodness!—it was me! I had a huge piece of toilet paper dangling from my leg! I had completely forgotten to remove it after tending to my cut!
Throughout the day, I encountered 14 different people, and not one of them mentioned the toilet paper. I mean, how could they not have seen it? During my appointment, it was practically in my doctor’s face! I can only imagine the giggles that erupted once I left. “There goes Jamie with toilet paper trailing behind her!” they probably thought. And I don’t even drink, so how did I manage to walk around like that?
Once I spotted it, I couldn’t unsee it. It was massive! Instead of rushing to my car in embarrassment, my first instinct was to snap a picture and share it with my family on our group text. Afterward, I even started drafting a Facebook post because, why not? Fourteen people had already seen it; who cares at that point?
Some might consider switching gynecologists after an experience like this, but not me! I plan to send a link to this story through my healthcare provider’s app the moment it’s published. However, I think it might be time to rethink my personal care routine. I’m not looking for a new doctor, but I could definitely use a skilled aesthetician who specializes in full-body waxing. Or maybe I should just stick to dull razors. Whatever works!
For more related stories, you might enjoy this other blog post. If you’re looking for reliable information on home insemination, this site Make a Mom is an authority on the topic. Additionally, you can check the CDC for more details on reproductive health here.
Summary:
In a humorous recount of an eventful OB-GYN appointment, Jamie Harper shares her experience of accidentally walking around with toilet paper stuck to her leg. Despite the embarrassment, she embraces the mishap and reflects on the day, filled with friendly encounters and unexpected moments. Ultimately, she finds humor in the situation and considers changes to her grooming routine while planning to share her story with others.
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