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Today, I’m sharing my experience with ocular rosacea on a relatively good “eye day,” when I can tolerate staring at a computer screen for more than just a few moments. I’ve learned to maximize these productive periods and find joy, while also managing the tougher days with self-care, ice packs, and engaging podcasts.
My journey with ocular rosacea kicked off 18 months ago when I started feeling discomfort with my contact lenses. After twenty years of wearing contacts, I found myself gradually reducing wear time until I could no longer bear them at all. Initially, my optometrist diagnosed me with dry eyes, but it wasn’t until six months later, during a visit to a dry eye clinic in Toronto, that I received the formal diagnosis: ocular rosacea and meibomian gland dysfunction. The small vessels on my eyelids indicated rosacea, which led to my glands failing to produce the oily layer of tears. Without this crucial layer, my tears evaporated almost immediately.
The discomfort from my dry eyes is distressing, but the flare-ups associated with rosacea can be debilitating. During these episodes, I suffer from photophobia (light sensitivity), and my inner eyelids feel like sandpaper. Blinking or looking at my phone becomes painful, and driving is out of the question. Some individuals with this condition experience significant redness, but my eyes appear completely normal.
I’ve explored numerous treatments for ocular rosacea, but unfortunately, it’s a chronic issue. Common first-line options include oral antibiotics (which didn’t work for me), topical steroids (that caused severe rebound inflammation), and prescription anti-inflammatory eye drops like Restasis and Xiidra. I’ve been using Restasis for seven months, and I believe it has improved my symptoms by about 10-15%.
In addition, I’ve undergone various in-office treatments, including Intense Pulsed Light therapy. While these tend to initially exacerbate my condition, I think they have provided some marginal benefits overall. I’ve also experimented with elimination diets, dietary supplements, hot compresses, and lid hygiene. I’ve tried nearly all the available treatments in Canada, most of which are not covered by insurance, leaving me thousands of dollars in with minimal results. Nevertheless, I refuse to lose hope. One day, I will discover the right combination of treatments that enables me to function fully again. Although flare-ups may persist, my husband often reminds me, “higher highs and higher lows are the goal,” a saying that resonates well with my situation.
The impact on my mental health has been significant. During flare-ups, I often panic, fearing that this discomfort will last indefinitely. When I’m between flares, I feel grateful for the ability to function, yet I also struggle with resentment. Why is this happening to me? Will I ever be able to wear contacts or makeup again? It may seem superficial, but having spent a decade establishing a career as a singer/songwriter, not being able to wear makeup during performances or promotional events poses a challenge.
I also wonder if my condition will stabilize enough for me to make professional commitments again. While I recognize that my situation isn’t life-threatening and that many face far worse challenges, I also need to allow myself to acknowledge the pain this experience has caused, both mentally and physically.
Like many individuals with chronic conditions, I am on a quest to understand why this is happening to me. Medical professionals haven’t provided much insight into the root causes, aside from the fact that rosacea commonly manifests in one’s thirties, and I’ve just happened to experience symptoms in my eyes.
As a mother of two boys, aged three and five, I am fortunate to have a partner with a steady job who has offered me unwavering support during this difficult time. We have enough help with the kids to step in when I need to rest with ice on my face, and we can afford my treatments. We are indeed lucky.
If you’re experiencing discomfort in your eyes or symptoms of dry eye, don’t downplay it. Consult your eye care professional. If left untreated, the vital meibomian glands can atrophy permanently. If you possess healthy, hydrated eyes, be sure to take care of them! Wash your face, remove your makeup, avoid sleeping in your contacts, and clean your brushes (I say this with love)!
If you’re dealing with this condition or any other chronic, invisible ailment, I see you. I feel your struggle. I hope you’re learning, as I am, to navigate the ups and downs, take a deep breath, practice self-love, and hold onto hope for a brighter tomorrow. For more information on related topics, check out this insightful post here, and visit Make a Mom for expert advice on home insemination.
Summary:
Ocular rosacea is a chronic condition that can significantly impact daily life and mental health. The author shares her personal journey with the condition, detailing her experiences with various treatments and the emotional toll it has taken on her. Despite the challenges, she remains hopeful for better days ahead.
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