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Okay, I know this might not be the popular view, but as I dive into motherhood just five weeks in, I’m absolutely loving the visits from friends and family! For years, I’ve heard how these visits can be intrusive, disrupting the precious bonding time between a mother and her newborn, with well-meaning guests traipsing through your home, eager to hold your unvaccinated baby. One friend even shared a story about a visit that turned into a full-blown barbecue, with her and her husband scrambling to cook while their baby cried for food. Another mother recounted how she wore herself out preparing her home for guests during the end of her pregnancy, only to feel utterly drained when labor finally arrived. I even listened to a podcast suggesting that new moms should ban “toxic people” from visiting during those early months to preserve their fourth trimester peace.
I understand the concerns about germs, especially now. I’ve set my own boundaries, only allowing fully vaccinated visitors to come over for the first few months, as advised by my doctor. However, I must say (and feel free to take this as you will), these visits have been a breath of fresh air for my type-A self. Here’s why.
Before I became a mom, I thrived on hosting gatherings. I’d jump at any opportunity to fill my home with friends, complete with a lavish spread of food and drinks. I was practically a regular user of Evite and Paperless Post, with Pinterest always open for new appetizer ideas. I loved turning everyday life into grand celebrations.
But let’s face it—planning and executing these events can be exhausting. Many of my friends have opted out of hosting altogether because it takes too much time and energy. Plus, accepting invitations often leads to guilt and anxiety over how to reciprocate. This leaves us isolated in our homes, seeing friends only at expensive restaurants or birthday parties.
The isolation I experienced during my pregnancy in the pandemic was a stark reminder of how lonely that can feel. But once my baby arrived and vaccines became available, the doorbell started ringing again, and my phone buzzed with messages from friends wanting to drop by with food, supplies, and some much-needed company.
I made a conscious choice to say “yes,” even if my home was cluttered and there were dishes in the sink. I welcomed visitors, even if I had nothing fancy to serve. We coordinated quick visits instead of waiting for the perfect weekend get-together. The pressure was lifted, and I found joy in having friendly faces and laughter fill my home. These baby visits have liberated me from the need to host in the traditional sense, and it’s been transformative.
Suddenly, I didn’t feel the need to scrub my home to perfection or whip up a gourmet meal before someone arrived. No one was leaving me a bad review on Yelp! As the saying goes, “done is better than perfect,” and a casual “drop-by” was far superior to the often-empty promise of “we should get together soon.” Plus, it’s helped create a community around my child, allowing her to meet important people in her life right from the start.
But today, as a friend visited for a quick coffee on her way to work, I had a sobering realization: this easy-going phase is fleeting! While I’ll never forget the solitude of my pregnancy during lockdown, I will miss these spontaneous, relaxed visits that have become my new normal.
It got me thinking—why do we often close our homes off until everything is perfect or we can host a grand dinner party? Many of us only entertain for children’s events or when we can put together a big spectacle. Others don’t even bother trying to schedule visits because of time constraints.
That’s why I’m urging moms everywhere to normalize the “drop-by”! After a year of separation, we should cherish in-person connections more than ever. Schedule a no-fuss visit with a friend. Check in on a neighbor with just a cup of coffee. Whether you are the one visiting or being visited, make it clear that this isn’t a fancy affair. Serve whatever you have or even nothing at all; the priority should be the time spent together. If you’re hesitant to invite someone over, suggest an impromptu walk in the park instead. Keep it simple and be willing to say “yes” without the fuss.
In the past, when our parents were raising children, communities were much closer-knit. Many mothers didn’t need to look far to find camaraderie, advice, or companionship. Nowadays, we have become so reliant on virtual connections that we’ve lost the ease of casual, in-person interactions. We’ve built walls around our homes to avoid judgment that often doesn’t even exist, cutting ourselves off from the bonds that enrich our lives.
When it comes to baby visits, moms should set the rules. You get to decide who comes over, when, and whether or not to allow visits at all. Consult your pediatrician and allow your own comfort and your baby’s personality to guide these decisions. For me, these visits have provided a much-needed break from the demands of new motherhood and a chance to reconnect with friends I hadn’t seen in a while.
After texting my thoughts to the friend who visited this morning, she revealed she had been hesitant to come over because she felt she needed to bring something or stay for a long time. As a busy working mother herself, she understood the value of presence over perfection; her company was the best gift! We’ve decided to embrace the ease of “drop-by” visits moving forward, without any expectations or pretenses. Though we might add some wine next time, because, well, why not?
For more insights on pregnancy and parenting, check out this other blog post on home insemination. It’s a fantastic resource for those exploring their options. You can also find valuable information on at-home insemination kits here. Additionally, for a thorough understanding of the IVF process, this article provides excellent insights.
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In summary, let’s celebrate the value of spontaneous connections and normalize the “drop-by” culture among moms. It’s time to prioritize genuine interactions over perfect hosting.
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