It’s Not Instinctive for Me to Thank My Partner for Household Tasks

From the time my partner and I began our relationship, it became clear that we have different approaches to maintaining our home. I tend to lean towards being quite organized—something I’d never admit to her face, but she’s right to label me as such. I prefer everything to be in its designated spot, as it helps me maintain my focus and sanity.

When our kids create a mess, they usually tidy up after themselves (most of the time). I’m the type who likes to have dinner ready before the kids return from school or my partner comes home from work. Since I’m home during the day, it seems only logical for me to take care of dinner. And every time I do, my partner never fails to say, “Thank you.” While this should bring me joy, it often leads me to feel compelled to reciprocate with gratitude when she completes a chore.

But why should I feel the need to say thank you? We both inhabit the same space and are working towards a common goal: keeping our home clean and ensuring our family is well-fed. I don’t thank the kids for their chores, so why should I do so for my partner?

At home, we don’t divide chores evenly; we tend to pick and choose based on our preferences. Honestly, there are tasks I dislike, like doing the dishes or taking out the trash, so I often pass those responsibilities to my partner and kids. Seems fair, right?

Melanie Brewster, a psychologist and associate professor at Columbia University, has observed similar dynamics in many LGBTQ+ families. She explains, “When gender roles are less rigid, couples often divide chores based on interest or skill.” That’s how we operate as well.

Working with same-sex couples, Brewster notes that feelings of imbalance in domestic duties can lead to unhappiness in relationships. Luckily, in our household, we don’t experience resentment regarding our chore distribution; my only concern is my lack of appreciation.

My partner often asks, “What can I do?” and is always willing to tackle whatever chores I assign. She genuinely wants me to give her a list, and although she may not always enjoy the tasks, she never complains. That’s certainly a reason to express my gratitude.

While it doesn’t come easily for me to thank her for chores, I’m committed to shifting my nagging from “Why haven’t you done the dishes yet?” to “Thank you for handling the dishes.” In turn, she can change her “Why did you put my sweater in the dryer?” to a simple thank you for my efforts in washing and folding the laundry.

Nothing is perfect—not me, my partner, or our home. But I truly appreciate how we navigate our household responsibilities, and I recognize I should express that appreciation more often.

For additional insights, check out this related post or visit Make a Mom for expert resources on home insemination. You can also find fantastic information on IUI as you explore family planning options.

Summary

In sharing my reflections on household responsibilities, I recognize my tendency to overlook expressing gratitude for my partner’s contributions. While we don’t split chores evenly, we both contribute in ways that suit our preferences. I’m committed to acknowledging my partner’s efforts more often, enhancing our shared household experience.