Moms, Let’s Embrace the ‘Drop-By’ Culture

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Let’s get real for a moment: I’m five weeks into motherhood, and I’m absolutely relishing the visits from friends and family! For years, I’ve heard about how intrusive these visits can be, disrupting that precious bonding time with your newborn while loud, well-meaning guests invade your home, eager to hold your unvaccinated baby. One friend described a visit that unexpectedly turned into a barbecue, forcing her and her partner to scramble to grill while their little one cried for food. Another mom shared how preparing her home for guests before her baby arrived nearly pushed her over the edge. I even listened to a podcast that suggested banning “toxic people” from visiting during the crucial fourth trimester to maintain peace.

While I acknowledge the valid concerns about germs, especially in today’s climate, I’ve set clear boundaries: only fully vaccinated visitors can come by until my baby is four months old. But so far, I’ve found these visits to be incredibly uplifting, providing much-needed sanity and connection for my type-A personality.

Before becoming a mom, I was the go-to entertainer, always ready to host gatherings and create elaborate spreads. I was practically a professional at planning events, thanks to my extensive use of platforms like Evite and Paperless Post. However, the effort required for hosting often felt overwhelming, leading many of my friends to avoid inviting people over altogether. The result? We all found ourselves isolated, catching up only at pricey restaurants or during special occasions.

The isolation I felt during my pregnancy, especially during the pandemic, was a stark reminder of how lonely it can be. Then, as my baby arrived and vaccination rates increased, my home started to buzz again with visitors bringing food, supplies, and conversation. I learned to let go of the pressure to have a spotless house or a full fridge. I welcomed guests even when my counters were cluttered and the dishes were dirty. We began syncing our schedules for quick visits, making it easier for everyone to connect without the expectations of a grand event.

These casual visits have shifted my perspective; I’ve embraced the idea that “done is better than perfect.” I’ve discovered that quick drop-bys are far more fulfilling than the often-ignored promise of “let’s get together soon.” Plus, it’s been heartwarming to see my baby’s community forming right from the start, all while ensuring we maintain safety protocols.

Yet, as I enjoyed a lovely coffee with a friend who popped by this morning, I had a fleeting thought: will this all come to an end? Although my pregnancy winter was isolating, I’ve grown fond of the easygoing nature of these visits, and I fear I’ll miss them when they fade away.

So, why do we shy away from opening our homes due to imperfections or the inability to host lavish gatherings? Many people only invite others over for special occasions or events, feeling too busy to schedule anything at all. That’s why I’m encouraging moms everywhere to normalize the “drop-by.” After a year of separation, we should prioritize in-person connections.

Set up a quick, no-fuss visit with a friend. Surprise a neighbor with coffee. Whether you’re the one visiting or being visited, keep it casual and low-pressure. Serve whatever you have on hand, or even nothing at all—just focus on spending time together. If you’re hesitant about having people over, suggest a spontaneous walk in the park instead. Make it easy and be open to saying “yes” without the fuss.

In the past, our grandparents relied on localized networks of fellow moms for support and advice. Nowadays, while online groups offer wisdom, we’ve lost that casual, in-person connection. Many of us have built walls around our homes, avoiding unexpected visitors and fearing judgment that may never come.

When it comes to baby visits, moms should set the rules—who comes, when they come, and whether to allow visitors at all. Consult your pediatrician and let your comfort level guide you. For me, these visits have become a delightful distraction from the sometimes monotonous tasks of new motherhood and a way to reconnect with those I missed during the past year.

In a text exchange with my friend who visited this morning, she admitted she hesitated to come see me and the baby because she worried about not bringing anything or staying for long. But her presence was the perfect gift! We agreed to keep things easy with “drop bys” moving forward—no expectations, just genuine connection.

And, we might throw in some wine because, well, why not?

For more insights on this topic, check out this blog post and for expert guidance, visit Make a Mom. If you want to learn more about pregnancy, this resource is excellent!

Summary

Moms, let’s embrace the “drop-by” culture. Instead of feeling pressured to host elaborate gatherings, we should prioritize simple, spontaneous visits with friends and family. These casual meet-ups foster connection and support during the early stages of motherhood, while also creating a community for our little ones. By normalizing these visits, we can combat the isolation many feel and enjoy shared moments without the stress of perfection.

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