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Recently, while scrolling through social media, I stumbled upon a Facebook post where a parent shared what she deemed a “humorous” note from her child. Normally, I enjoy these anecdotes, but this one struck a different chord.
The note was a heartfelt expression from a frustrated pre-teen girl to her mother. The daughter felt hurt after her mother yelled at her and dismissed her emotions. Instead of empathizing, the mother belittled her daughter’s feelings in the post, calling her “ridiculous” and “overly sensitive.”
In a separate instance a few months back, another parent shamed her teenage son for poor grades by posting a picture of him online, declaring her hatred for him. While I understand her frustration, especially given the pressures of academic performance and college admissions, I know she doesn’t truly hate her son. She was just overwhelmed and wanted to express her disappointment.
I can imagine that both mothers love their children deeply, and after some time, they likely had a conversation to resolve their conflicts. It’s common for parents and kids to clash, but sharing private moments or feelings online is never appropriate. Parents must pause and reflect before posting, particularly when their children are at an age where such sharing can be deeply embarrassing.
It’s a violation of trust. By broadcasting their children’s private thoughts and feelings, parents mock their emotions rather than validate them. Remember how it felt as a child when you thought your parents didn’t understand you? Those feelings were significant and real. You wanted someone to listen and acknowledge your emotions, not expose your vulnerabilities for laughs.
Think about a time when someone shared your private thoughts without permission. That sense of betrayal is painful, and children should be able to trust their parents more than anyone else.
As parents, we juggle countless responsibilities, and mistakes are inevitable. However, we have the power to be mindful about what we share. Posting on social media requires thoughtfulness; we should consider whether we’re violating our child’s privacy or trust by sharing their personal experiences without consent.
Using shame or humiliation as a disciplinary tactic or for amusement is misguided. The mother from the Facebook post was engaging in the very behavior her daughter was accusing her of—failing to listen and belittling her feelings.
Parents who frequently share their children’s private moments often complain about their kids being “disrespectful.” Why would children behave maturely when their parents model immature behavior? Trust and respect are earned, not demanded.
Do you feel inclined to respect someone you don’t trust? Neither do I, and I wouldn’t expect my children to either. If I want them to treat me with respect, I must show them the same courtesy. This doesn’t mean I avoid setting boundaries; it simply means I won’t mock or belittle them, especially not in a public forum.
It’s acceptable to vent to friends or in private groups about parenting challenges. However, broadcasting such struggles on a public platform disrespects a child’s privacy and autonomy. If you want your children to trust and respect you, refrain from this behavior.
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Summary
Publicly shaming children on social media is a growing issue among parents. It damages trust and belittles their emotions, leading to further conflicts. Parents should think carefully before sharing private moments online, as respect is a two-way street.
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