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For almost two years, Sarah Thompson found herself locked in a bitter custody dispute over her two-year-old daughter, Mia. She tirelessly sought sole custody or at least supervised visitation rights, as her ex-partner, Mike Johnson, exhibited alarming, threatening behavior towards her. He would stalk Sarah and often warned, “You’ll regret this” during their arguments.
During her pregnancy, Sarah had warned Mike to seek help for his anger issues or risk losing their relationship. When he refused, she made the tough decision to leave him. “I heard the common advice to ‘escape’ an abusive situation,” she recounted. “But no one prepares you for the aftermath of leaving an abuser, especially when you face family court. The abuse doesn’t stop; it often escalates.”
When Sarah first approached the court, she believed any judge would recognize her ex’s behavior as harmful. Instead, she found herself fighting for her and Mia’s safety. “The family court system often prioritizes the abuser over the child,” she lamented. “From my experience, the safety of children is frequently overlooked in custody decisions.”
The Child’s Best Interests?
The claim that the “best interests” of the child are paramount often falls short in reality. When mothers express fears for their safety or that of their children, judges may dismiss their concerns as exaggerations or even suspect them of “parental alienation”—an unfounded tactic to undermine the other parent. Judges frequently operate with limited information, caught in a “he said, she said” scenario without comprehensive reports from social workers or legal counsel.
Judges often lean towards protecting fathers’ rights, driven by the belief that children fare best with both parents. While this may hold true in non-abusive situations, it can overshadow genuine allegations of abuse. Sadly, women’s claims are often met with skepticism.
In Sarah’s case, when she informed the court about Mike’s stalking and violations of court orders, which she classified as physical child abuse, the presiding judge, Linda Roberts, told her to “mature.” “Because of Judge Roberts,” Sarah reflected, “Mia will never grow up.”
Believing Women
It’s easy to empathize with judges and decision-makers who might give the benefit of the doubt to parents accused of abuse. Divorce and separation can be chaotic, and emotions often run high, leading to retaliatory behavior. Skepticism about a mother’s motivations can seem justifiable.
However, similar to cases involving allegations of sexual assault, instances of mothers fabricating claims for personal gain are exceedingly rare. A study from 2019 by the Healing Hospital in Chicago reviewed 27 custody cases across the U.S. where abuse allegations were initially doubted but later substantiated. In every instance, the father was the aggressor, while the mother fought to shield her child. Initially, courts often viewed the mothers as deceitful, with two-thirds facing accusations of “pathologization,” and 59% of fathers receiving sole custody or unsupervised visitation. Ultimately, 88% of these children reported further abuse, sometimes severe enough to impact their health. Each case eventually revealed the truth and confirmed the mother’s concerns.
Mothers frequently face repercussions for speaking out against an abusive ex-partner. They risk losing custody and being forced to place their children in harm’s way. Sarah experienced this firsthand, as her attorney cautioned her against alleging abuse, suggesting it could harm her “credibility” in court.
In another recent case, Laura Bennett pleaded with the courts to keep her and her four-year-old son, Ethan, safe from his father, whose increasingly erratic behavior made her fearful for their lives. The day a judge denied her a protective order, Ethan’s father tragically took his life and his son’s.
A Mother’s Mission
“Taking a child’s life is the ultimate act of revenge by an abuser,” Sarah stated. This underscores the necessity for family courts to conduct thorough investigations into abuse allegations.
Sarah revealed that Child Protective Services had documented Mike’s “aggressive behavior” and “anger issues,” noting he had purchased firearms when Mia was just six months old—one of which he later used in a horrific act. Yet, they still deemed the situation “low risk” and without domestic violence.
“Over 500,000 children are placed under court orders into homes where they face physical, sexual, or emotional abuse,” Sarah emphasized. “Imagine being forced by the judicial system to live with your abuser, with no escape.”
These decisions can mean life or death for children. Yet, during Sarah’s last court appearance, Judge Roberts dismissed her concerns, stating, “This is not a life-threatening situation.” It was, indeed. Sarah will never again embrace her precious Mia. The court system failed them both, as did her child’s killer.
Legislation for Child Safety
In New York, Sarah is actively collaborating with legislators to pass three bills aimed at safeguarding children, including “Mia’s Law,” which prioritizes child safety, mandates judicial training, and prevents abusers from obtaining custody.
One proposed bill focuses on reforming supervised visits to ensure swift protection for abused children and granting sole custody to the non-offending parent. Another bill would require training for custody evaluators on domestic violence, child abuse, and trauma.
Mia was let down by the court system at every level. Despite the existence of individuals who could have attested to her father’s danger, they were not interviewed. The legislation Sarah is advocating for aims to ensure that those making critical decisions for children are equipped to recognize abuse.
Sarah shared that the journey has been incredibly challenging, compounded by the trauma and grief she’s experienced from battling the court system and mourning her daughter’s avoidable loss. “It felt like my mind was in chaos,” she admitted. “Forming coherent thoughts was a struggle due to the trauma.” Yet, she perseveres daily, driven to ensure that no other child endures the same fate as Mia.
Despite limited resources, Sarah has traveled to Albany and Washington, D.C., multiple times, maximizing her interactions with lawmakers. She prepares by studying representatives’ photos to recognize them quickly and seizing opportunities to advocate in hallways or elevators.
What You Can Do
When asked what advice she would give to parents trying to shield their children from an abusive ex, Sarah stated, “Until we enact legislative changes, more children will be forced into the homes of abusive parents.” Thus, she urges a focus on changing the law.
“Contact your legislators and educate them,” she recommended. “Encourage them to collaborate with you for change.” Additionally, consider reaching out to organizations like Kyra’s Champions, part of the Kyra Franchetti Foundation, which aims to extend advocacy efforts nationwide.
“Advocacy comes in many forms,” Sarah noted. “From reaching out to elected officials, asking questions at town halls, to joining committees or task forces, and, of course, working on legislation.”
“Every day, I strive to make Mia proud,” Sarah expressed. “I channel her spirit and tenacity. My love for her is eternal. I hope my efforts, in her honor, bring about meaningful change and protect countless other children.”
If you find yourself in an abusive relationship or fear for your safety, you can find support resources online.
Summary
The heartbreaking story of Sarah Thompson highlights the failures of the family court system to protect children from abusive parents. Despite her relentless efforts to secure safety for her daughter Mia, the courts did not prioritize their well-being, leading to tragedy. Sarah is now advocating for legislative changes to ensure child safety and prevent future abuses. Her mission aims to educate lawmakers and protect vulnerable children from harm.
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