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Bedtime had passed nearly half an hour ago, yet I heard the familiar sound of tiny footsteps in the hallway, accompanied by a soft voice calling out, “Mom.” This marked the third time this week that my daughter was struggling to drift off to sleep. When I inquired about what was bothering her, she replied, “I don’t know, Mom. I just feel so worried.” I lay beside her, gently stroking her hair, kissing her forehead, and wiping away her tears. As a parent, it’s heartbreaking to witness your child in pain and feeling helpless to alleviate it.
I can manage my own anxiety as an adult, but how do you navigate such feelings as a child? I never learned to cope with my emotions at her age, which is why I now rely on therapy and medication to get through each day. Let me clarify—there’s absolutely nothing wrong with seeking help through medication or therapy. However, if possible, I want to guide her to discover alternative methods to cope with her worries.
The journey to support her began when she approached me, tearful and distressed, claiming she felt as if she had wet herself. At around 7 years old, the shame mixed with anxiety only exacerbated the situation. We checked, and thankfully, there was no accident. Yet, she insisted she felt damp.
We experimented with various styles and sizes of underwear, ensured she limited her drinks before bedtime, and made sure she used the bathroom before settling in for the night. Despite our efforts, she continued to come to my room, sobbing and uncomfortable. Of course, I did what every parent knows they shouldn’t and turned to Google. By the end of the week, my anxiety had joined hers, prompting me to schedule a visit with her pediatrician.
After a thorough physical examination and a series of challenging questions I wasn’t prepared for, the doctor ruled out any potential trauma or abuse. When asked how she had been feeling, my daughter expressed her struggles with falling asleep and the frequent worries that left her feeling upset.
Her pediatrician introduced me to a condition called PANDAS (Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorders), which I had never heard of before. The symptoms were puzzling but fit perfectly. We began treatment immediately. The recovery time varies from child to child, but fortunately, she was nearly back to her old self within a few days. While addressing her physical health was relatively straightforward—using antibiotics and steroids for the underlying issues—the more complex task was helping her manage the compulsive and anxiety-driven behaviors that first alerted me to the problem.
Initially, I felt like a failure. What did I do wrong? Could I have prevented her from experiencing the same struggles I have? After all, I live with anxiety and depression—was this my fault? Did she inherit my issues?
Once again, I turned to Google. Research indicates that while some mental illnesses can be inherited, a child’s environment also plays a crucial role. Having open discussions about mental health in our home has been vital in supporting my daughter. I’ve allowed her to see me take my medication, even though admitting I’m not superwoman is difficult. Just as I’ve worked to accept my own quirks, she will, too.
Since my daughter’s symptoms appeared suddenly, without any prior indication of anxiety or mental illness, we opted against medication for her. Will this always be the case? Perhaps, but for now, she employs several strategies to help manage her anxiety without letting it overwhelm her. We’ve collaborated with her school counselor to create glitter jars, worry stones, and encourage journaling as outlets for her feelings.
Glitter jars provide a distraction from anxious thoughts. Shaking them up and watching the glitter settle offers her a calming moment. Worry stones, easy to make, are perfect for discreet situations. Using bakeable clay, my daughter crafted a palm-sized stone that she can trace when feeling anxious. She decided to shape hers into a spiral, making it easy to carry in her pocket.
Sometimes, kids may prefer quiet reflection over crafting. If they’re not in the mood to talk, suggest journaling or using a worry workbook. My daughter selected her own journal, decorating it to make it personal. It’s her safe space for expression—no judgment, no peeking. As tough as it is to grant her this privacy, it’s essential for her growth. You might be surprised at how resilient children can be when given the space to tackle their challenges independently.
Equipping my daughter with these tools, along with support and understanding, has made a significant difference. During my own childhood, my anxious feelings were often dismissed as being overly sensitive or having “sad spells.” In reality, as noted by the CDC, approximately 4.4 million children experience anxiety, and that’s just among those diagnosed.
Since we began using these techniques and fostering open conversations about mental health, I hear those little footsteps in the hallway less often. My daughter knows she can approach me with any worry or struggle she faces, and together, we’ll work through it until she feels at ease. While I haven’t mastered parenting an anxious child, I want her experience to differ from mine. What I do know is that life with an anxious child can improve, and you are not alone in this journey—you’re doing an amazing job.
For more insight on navigating similar challenges, check out this other blog post.
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