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For nearly two years, Maria Thompson was caught in a bitter custody dispute over her two-year-old daughter, Lily. Desperate for protection, she appealed to the courts for sole custody or at the very least, for supervised visitation with Lily’s father, Mark Johnson. Mark exhibited alarming behaviors, stalking Maria and making chilling threats, including statements like, “You’ll regret this.”
During her pregnancy, Maria had warned Mark to address his anger issues or face the end of their relationship, which he dismissed. “I received the common advice to leave an abusive partner,” she recounted. “What they don’t tell you is how the abuse continues in family court. It often escalates.” When Maria first appeared before a judge, she thought the evidence against Mark would be undeniable. Instead, she found herself fighting for their lives. “The family court system often prioritizes the abuser over the child,” Maria lamented. “From my experience, child safety is not the primary concern in custody cases.”
Child’s Best Interests?
Although the “best interests of the child” is a common phrase in custody disputes, Maria’s experience illustrates a troubling reality in U.S. family courts. Judges frequently doubt mothers’ claims of fear for their safety, often suspecting they exaggerate to gain custody or engage in a tactic known as “parental alienation.” With limited information and a “he said, she said” scenario, judges may overlook crucial details, especially when considering fathers’ rights. The assumption that children benefit from both parents can overshadow serious accusations of abuse, leading to a system where women are often disbelieved.
In Maria’s case, when she reported Mark’s stalking and disregard for court orders, she was dismissed by Judge Lisa Green, who told her to “grow up.” “Because of Judge Green,” Maria said, “Lily will never have the chance to grow up.”
Believe Survivors
It’s easy to sympathize with judges who may hesitate to act against an accused parent, especially in the heated atmosphere of divorce. However, just as in sexual assault cases, mothers rarely lie about abuse for personal gain. A study from 2019 by Sheppard and Enoch Pratt Hospital in Baltimore analyzed 27 custody cases involving alleged abuse that was initially doubted but later substantiated. In each instance, the father was the abuser, while the mother fought to protect her child. Initially, courts often questioned the mothers’ motivations, leading to a dangerous pattern where 59% of fathers received custody.
Maria faced similar challenges, where her attorney warned her that alleging abuse could harm her credibility in court. Tragically, in another recent case, Jessica Lee sought protection from her son Ryan’s father, whose erratic behavior escalated. After a judge denied her a protective order, Ryan’s father killed him before taking his own life.
A Mother’s Mission
“Killing a child is the ultimate revenge for an abuser,” Maria stated. This makes it crucial for family courts to thoroughly investigate abuse allegations. Child Protective Services had documented Mark’s aggressive behavior and threats, yet deemed the situation “low risk.” “Over half a million children are forced into environments with abusive parents,” Maria pointed out. “Imagine being a child compelled to live with your abuser without any recourse.” These decisions can be life-altering, yet at a crucial hearing, Judge Green told Maria, “This is not a life or death situation.” But it was—Maria will never hold her daughter again.
Legislation for Child Protection
In New York, Maria is actively working with lawmakers to introduce three bills aimed at enhancing protections for children, including “Lily’s Law,” which would prioritize child safety, mandate judicial training, and prevent abusers from obtaining custody. Another bill focuses on reforming supervised visitation to ensure the safety of children and expedite custody determinations for non-abusive parents.
Maria emphasized that the system failed Lily at every level. Key individuals who could have confirmed the danger were not interviewed. The proposed legislation aims to ensure those making these critical decisions are trained to recognize signs of abuse. Despite the trauma and PTSD Maria suffers from navigating the court system and mourning her daughter’s tragic death, she remains resolute in her advocacy.
“I strive to make Lily proud every day,” Maria shared. “I channel her spirit and determination. My love for her is everlasting. I hope my efforts lead to meaningful change and protect other children.”
For those in abusive situations, resources are available, such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline, which can provide assistance.
To learn more about healthy living and family support, check out our post on healthy lunches here and explore additional resources on pregnancy and family planning here. For those considering at-home insemination options, visit Make a Mom for expert guidance.
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