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When you celebrate the arrival of your child, you might think you’re inviting the world to share in your joy. Yet, often, it feels like you’ve unwittingly opened the door to criticism. “Welcome to the judgment zone!” you might as well shout. Suddenly, everyone feels entitled to scrutinize your choices—be it the name you’ve chosen (“Who names their son George?!”), your crib style, or your feeding methods. You find yourself bombarded with contradictory advice: you should bottle-feed, but then again, you shouldn’t; swaddling is a must, but also a mistake; pacifiers are problematic while thumb-sucking is a big no-no.
In one particularly intrusive moment, a stranger at the grocery store yanked my child’s thumb from his mouth while cooing about how “little boys shouldn’t suck their thumbs.” I stood there, stunned and unable to respond, but that was the last straw. The next time I wouldn’t remain silent.
To avoid further conflict, especially while carrying a baby, I started to keep my parenting choices private. I might not be able to evade the unsolicited advice from strangers, but I could shield myself from judgment within my social circle. This is why I never shared that I co-slept with my infant son. Like many parents, we hadn’t planned on it—our reasons are ours to keep private. Yet, in our silence, we sidestepped any potential backlash. Other parents, more open about their choices, often face significant criticism.
Critics frequently cite statistics and anecdotes, often misrepresenting information. They overlook the fact that co-sleeping, when done safely, has been a natural practice for over 200,000 years. Despite the solid arguments in favor of bed-sharing, they are often dismissed without consideration.
Interestingly, I’ve never encountered a co-sleeper condemning another parent for choosing not to share a bed with their infant. There seems to be an understanding that parenting choices are not one-size-fits-all. The same cannot be said for those who criticize co-sleepers, who seem intent on shaming them.
This bullying feels especially harsh during a time when new mothers are grappling with hormonal fluctuations and mental health challenges. According to Postpartumdepression.org, almost 1 in 7 mothers in the U.S. experience depression within the first year after childbirth—approximately 600,000 diagnoses. This figure represents only those who sought treatment, meaning the actual number may be even higher. The World Health Organization notes that the risk of psychiatric hospitalization is significantly increased for women in the first month postpartum.
While the causes of postpartum depression are complex, the shaming of co-sleeping mothers can certainly exacerbate their mental health struggles. This mental strain is entirely avoidable if others would stop scrutinizing each other’s parenting choices.
A study cited by Emily Glover in Motherly.com highlights that mothers who co-sleep for longer periods often report higher rates of depression—not due to the arrangement itself, but because of the judgment they feel from other parents. If those who shame understood the impact of their words and actions, perhaps they would reconsider. More importantly, there is a strong correlation between postpartum depression and child development. The repercussions can be significant, including delayed cognitive and language development, insecure attachment styles, and even future mental health challenges for their children.
Thus, those who criticize co-sleeping, in their attempts to protect children, may inadvertently be causing harm. It’s a troubling contradiction. Raising a child truly requires a community that recognizes that what works for one family may not work for another. If that community cannot embrace this diversity, perhaps the best approach is to remain silent.
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Summary:
The article discusses the societal judgment faced by parents who choose to co-sleep with their infants. It highlights the mental health challenges new mothers endure and how shaming can exacerbate these issues, ultimately affecting both mothers and children. The piece advocates for understanding and respect for diverse parenting choices, emphasizing that every family’s needs are different.
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