My Daughter Is Approaching Tweenhood, And I'm Struggling to Process It

The countdown has begun. It’s hard to believe my eldest is about to turn 9, and I’m feeling a whirlwind of emotions. Tomorrow marks her birthday, and she has reminded me countless times that she’s not just turning 9; she’s entering the tween phase. “Mom, I’m not a little kid anymore,” she insists.

Sweetheart, I know exactly what you mean.

Just last week, she took off on her scooter to a friend’s house without needing me to drop her off or offer reassurance. It all went smoothly, and her friend’s mom even texted to confirm she arrived safely. Honestly, it’s only about a half-mile away, so I wasn’t overly worried. But still, I can’t shake the bittersweet feeling of her growing independence. That’s a positive thing, right? It’s all a part of growing up (cue “The Lion King” theme). She’s sweet, respectful, and enjoying time with her friends. So why does it make me feel a little sad?

Remember when people told you how fast time would fly? I used to roll my eyes, thinking they were exaggerating. Those sleepless nights seemed endless, but now I find myself longing for those moments again. Crazy, right? Who would willingly give up full nights of rest, quiet showers, and leisurely meals at restaurants?

I would. I’d gladly trade a peaceful night for less anxiety about whether I’m getting this parenting thing right. I’d swap uninterrupted showers for a few more snuggles and moments where I’m chosen over screen time. I’d even give up the fancy brunches at her favorite restaurant for the simple pleasure of family dinners where she shares her day—before she gets distracted by noticing a boy, let’s say named Jake, and suddenly everything else fades away.

This is the exciting part. I remember my first crush, and I also recall not wanting to tell my mom about it because I feared she’d make it a big deal. Just like I want to about Jake. But I won’t, because I want her to feel comfortable sharing with me. I overheard her friend talking about her boyfriend, and I chuckled a little. At eight—excuse me, almost a tween—boyfriends are just people you chat with on the phone or play games with online.

Then come the tougher discussions. Questions about why she wasn’t invited to a certain birthday party, or why her friends have phones while I think she’s not ready yet. I dread the day she might express dissatisfaction with her body. Sorry, kiddo, but you’ve definitely inherited my build. I’ve seen you do the jump-and-wiggle into those snug jean shorts.

I find solace in knowing she can’t sleep without her beloved pink teddy bear and still asks for two bedtime songs every night. Yes, I may grumble when she requests a second tuck-in, but I cherish those cuddles more than I can express.

There’s a spectrum of emotions and uncertainties ahead of us. I’d change a million things if I could, but this journey is yours, my dear tween. My role is to love you unconditionally and allow you to make your own mistakes. I’ll guide you, but I want you to leave your unique mark on the world. As you step into this new chapter, remember a few important things.

First, your younger sister looks up to you.

I know she drives you a little crazy by mimicking everything you do, but that’s because you inspire her. I hope you both cultivate a strong bond as you grow, just as I have with your Auntie.

Second, never stop being curious.

Even when you think you know it all, always leave room for growth. You’re brilliant and passionate about learning—never lose that spark. I was so proud when I took you to get your first library card; it’s a step toward independence, but I trust I’ll still be there to help you out. After all, you might misplace it a time or two, just like I have with my keys!

I could elaborate for ages on the advice I want to impart as you embark on this new adventure, but I’ll leave you with this: always be true to yourself. You are exactly who you were meant to be, and I wouldn’t change a thing. Despite my mixed emotions, I couldn’t be prouder of the young lady you’re becoming. This journey is sure to be a wild ride—for both of us—but I promise to support you every step of the way.

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