I Welcomed a Baby and Worked Diligently to Protect Her During the Pandemic — Now I’m Struggling to Let Go

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Restrictions have finally eased, and my older children are enjoying their summer camps, playing sports without masks, and having playdates with friends. I’m vaccinated now, able to shop for groceries without anxiety, stroll through stores with a coffee in hand, and even attend spin classes. Thankfully, I didn’t lose anyone to COVID; in fact, I welcomed my fourth child.

I discovered I was pregnant with a beautiful little girl just two weeks before the nation went into lockdown. For thirty-eight weeks, I held my breath, isolated my family, attended prenatal visits alone, and labored while wearing a mask. I managed to keep my family COVID-free, my baby was born safely, and we have remained healthy. Now that life is returning to some semblance of normal, I find myself feeling a bit off-kilter.

It’s as if there’s a storm inside my chest — one that I suppress by diving into the daily responsibilities of motherhood, focusing on the precious moments with my kids. Yet, in the midst of unwrapping a snack or completing a task, memories from the past spring back to me. I recall the challenging days spent alone with three kids while battling debilitating nausea and navigating remote schooling, isolated from loved ones. I think of attending my anatomy scan right after the CDC warned that pregnant women faced heightened risks from COVID, and I remember how overwhelming it was to manage my fears while trying to keep my family safe and sane.

The pressure I felt as a wife and mother to make critical decisions about our expanding family was immense. I carried the weight of ensuring my unborn daughter’s safety during a global crisis, with everyone around me grappling with their own fears and expectations. When these feelings suddenly resurface, I find myself focusing on the small tasks at hand — like string cheese — because confronting the emotions and fears feels like too much for me right now.

Social interactions have become strange, though I know I’m not alone in this. While I’m grateful for the opportunity to attend events and host gatherings, I still experience moments of panic where I long to take my four kids and retreat indoors. These feelings come unexpectedly, and while I work through them for the sake of my children, they linger.

I find myself clinging tightly to my now eight-month-old daughter, whom I affectionately call my emotional support baby. She’s always close to me, and I’m only comfortable leaving her with my husband, unlike my older kids whom I could easily leave with family or friends. After all the effort I put into keeping her safe, I struggle to trust that anyone else could do the same. I know I need to work on this, yet the bond I share with a baby born during a pandemic is unique, and I feel changed because of it.

Eventually, I hope to navigate through these waves of emotion. Perhaps they’ll gradually dissipate over time. For now, I acknowledge that I feel a bit off-center and different, and that’s okay. I’m allowing myself to sit with these feelings, and I encourage you to do the same — because, honestly, it has been incredibly tough. Moving forward isn’t always simple.

If you’re interested in exploring more about pregnancy and parenting during these challenging times, check out this insightful blog post, here. Also, for reliable information on fertility, visit Make a Mom to learn more about fertility boosters. For additional resources, Rmany offers excellent information on topics related to pregnancy and home insemination.

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Summary: The author reflects on the challenges of becoming a mother during the pandemic, navigating feelings of anxiety, isolation, and the unique bond formed with her newborn daughter. While she acknowledges the difficulties of adjusting to a post-pandemic life, she emphasizes the importance of allowing oneself to feel and process these emotions.


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