Why I Appreciate the Social Distance During My Son's Eighth Year

My son, Max, is now nine, but there are moments when he instinctively reaches for my hand, reminding me of the sweet, tender nature he still carries. This sensitivity has been a hallmark of his personality, and while it can pose challenges in parenting, it has blossomed into one of my favorite aspects of our relationship.

I’ve often heard that boys typically start to internalize harmful stereotypes about masculinity around the age of eight. The thought of Max feeling ashamed of his emotions is heartbreaking. However, his eighth year coincided with the onset of the pandemic, which shielded him from external influences that might have pressured him to suppress his true self. Although he already has a close-knit support system within his school and family, I am grateful for this additional time away from societal pressures. I hope that this experience will bolster his self-confidence as he continues to grow.

Interestingly, despite the absence of pressure to “be tough,” Max has developed remarkable resilience over the past year. He’s not afraid to face his feelings; instead, he’s learned to navigate them more effectively. Just yesterday, he took on a ropes course and shouted, “I’m TERRIFIED!” But he pushed through, and when he reached the ground, he felt a sense of pride in conquering his fear. On the other hand, true to his birthday nerves, he had a minor meltdown this morning. Yet, instead of allowing it to overwhelm him, he took a moment to himself and returned composed, sharing that working on a puzzle helps him reset when he feels anxious. Whatever works for him, I say. We’ve made significant progress.

It makes me wonder what other positive coping skills boys like Max could discover if given the opportunity. If they weren’t rushed to suppress their emotions by second grade but rather allowed the time to learn how to manage them, we might find that they only need minimal guidance on becoming “real men.” I don’t believe we need to fear that if they struggle with their feelings now, they will fall apart later in life. By embracing their emotions, they may carry kindness and empathy into adulthood.

Life will teach them resilience, no doubt. I hope that in their most challenging moments, they don’t feel the need to stifle their emotions. My wish for Max this year is to continue balancing maturity with the gentle spirit he was born with. I trust that if he maintains a healthy perspective on his feelings, he will express his love, determination, and compassion beautifully in the world. And as he does, I’ll be there, cheering him on with my own tears of joy.

For more insights on parenting and emotional health, check out this great resource on home insemination and this information on intrauterine insemination. If you’re considering options for family planning, make sure to look into this authority on home insemination.