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Before I became a parent 15 years ago, I envisioned myself as the loving, patient mom who would always have the answers to my child’s endless inquiries. I consumed countless parenting books and magazines (this was long before “Google” even entered our vocabulary), which emphasized the importance of addressing a child’s “why” to nurture their curiosity. The consensus was clear: failing to answer these questions could stifle their natural inquisitiveness and leave them as mere shadows of themselves.
I expected that I would be the kind of parent who patiently answered every single inquiry, providing thoughtful explanations for household rules and collaborating with my kids to find answers when I didn’t know them. I promised myself I would never resort to the dreaded “because I said so.”
However, I’ve recently found myself occasionally shutting down my 15-year-old’s persistent “why.” He’s a fantastic kid whom I love dearly, but lately, he’s begun to use his questions as a strategy to wear me down when I’ve said no. The books I read depicted children as innocent first graders, full of wonder, not as teenagers trying to manipulate their parents.
Just the other day, my son asked, “WHYYYY can’t I be on the computer all day?” during a time when both he and his younger sister aren’t allowed on screens. They’re given plenty of screen time, but I’ve set aside chunks of the day for other activities. I reminded him of the reasons behind this rule—mental health, the need for varied stimulation, and eye health.
Yet every reason I provided was met with another “Why?” His tone suggested genuine curiosity, but I knew he was simply trying to get his way. After a few rounds of questions, I finally told him he could look up the studies online later, but not until he was permitted back on screens. He groaned and relented.
As a parent, there are moments when you feel united with your child, experiencing their joys and disappointments together. Then there are times when it feels like a boxing match, each of you trying to one-up the other. This time, I won. I recognize that it may seem a bit petty, but I needed to show him that I wouldn’t be easily manipulated.
While I strive to be the patient responder I intended to be, I’ve learned that not all questions arise from a place of innocent curiosity. Sometimes, they stem from a teenager testing limits. Kids are smart, and part of growing up involves pushing boundaries. It’s a normal aspect of development—not a sign of future psychopathy.
So, while my pre-parent self had high ideals, my experience has taught me that parenting is anything but straightforward. Each situation is nuanced, and kids will always find ways to keep you on your toes. Sometimes, you have to surprise them back.
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In summary, parenting a teenager can often feel like a battle of wills. While I aim to provide answers and support, I’ve learned that sometimes, my child’s questions are more about negotiation than curiosity. It’s a delicate dance of authority and understanding, reminding me that parenting is a complex journey.
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