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Clutter can be a significant source of anxiety for many individuals. For those living with a partner who hoards, the overwhelming mess can feel unbearable. When you have a family, especially with children still at home, a certain level of disorder is expected. However, there’s a stark contrast between a typical lived-in home and a true hoarding situation. While hoarding often stems from mental health issues and past trauma, those who share their lives with hoarders often feel trapped in a chaotic environment.
Hoarders deserve compassion, just like anyone facing personal struggles, but that doesn’t absolve them from the impact their behavior has on others. Many mothers have taken to our platform to express their frustrations about their hoarding partners.
“I care about him, but I can’t continue living in this filthy environment. It’s unbearable.” —Confessional #25835079
“Marrying into a hoarding family was a shock. After 20 years, I feel suffocated!” —Confessional #25834763
“My boyfriend’s hoarding drives me insane. His parents live in a house filled with junk. I refuse to live like that.” —Confessional #25834234
“It irritates me when people ask, ‘Where are the older kids?’ when hoarder parents are exposed. Those older kids often take on too much responsibility, and it’s traumatic.” —Confessional #25833857
As someone who grew up in a hoarding environment, I wasn’t taught basic cleaning skills. I had to figure things out on my own, and the emotional toll was significant. I felt responsible for the state of our home, which was impossible for a teenager to manage.
“My father was an abusive hoarder who always demanded help. For my college graduation, I asked for the gift of peace: a full day without his calls.” —Confessional #25828347
“My husband, the hoarder, had the nerve to tell me I should get rid of my shoes because I don’t wear half of them—hello, it’s a pandemic!” —Confessional #25819958
“I thought I could endure living with my hoarder husband for a couple more years, but I am now plotting my escape.” —Confessional #25814458
Hoarding disorder is a recognized mental health condition defined by a persistent inability to discard possessions due to a perceived need to save them. Those affected experience significant emotional distress at the thought of letting go, leading to the accumulation of items regardless of their actual worth.
“My husband is a hoarder, and I used to be organized. Now, nothing in our house is tidy, not even my car!” —Confessional #25813486
“Living with my husband and children, who are also borderline hoarders, is incredibly challenging. My mother-in-law’s sentimental items are contributing to the chaos.” —Confessional #25808761
“My past relationships have been impacted by hoarding. I divorced my ex-husband over his compulsive collecting and shopping addiction.” —Confessional #25765617
“I’ve always been a minimalist, but I’m worried my husband is picking up his mother’s hoarding habits. I secretly dispose of items when I can.” —Confessional #25764261
If you or someone you know is grappling with hoarding—either as the person hoarding or living with a hoarder—there are resources available to help. You can find more information about treatment options here.
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Summary
Living with a hoarder can be an incredibly challenging experience, filled with frustration and emotional turmoil. Many individuals have shared their stories of coping with the chaos that hoarding brings into their homes. While there is a need for empathy toward those who hoard, it is also essential to recognize the toll it takes on their loved ones.
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