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Before I became a parent 15 years ago, I envisioned myself as the epitome of patience and love, always ready to answer my child’s every question with calm and understanding. The parenting books I devoured (back when “Google” wasn’t a verb, sigh) emphasized that children would incessantly ask “why,” and it was our duty to respond, nurturing their natural curiosity. The idea was that if we didn’t engage with their questions, we would stifle their inquisitive spirits, resulting in sad, lost little souls.
Sure, it’s undeniably exhausting to field a barrage of questions daily, but motherhood is what I signed up for, right? I imagined myself as the perfect parent, capable of explaining the reasoning behind every household rule and helping my child discover answers to his inquiries. I was determined never to use the authoritarian phrase “because I said so.”
However, as my 15-year-old son has grown, I’ve found myself occasionally shutting down his incessant “whys.” Don’t get me wrong; he’s a fantastic kid, and I would do anything for him. But lately, he has begun to use his questions as a tactic to wear me down when I’ve already said no to something he wants.
For instance, just the other day, he asked, “WHYYYY can’t I use the computer all day?” during a designated screen-free time. I’ve explained the reasons behind these limits—mental health, the need for varied stimulation, the strain on his eyes—but on this occasion, he was not letting it go. His “whys” were framed with an air of sincerity, as if he genuinely wanted to understand why too much screen time is bad for mental health, or why our brains thrive on diverse forms of engagement.
It became evident that this wasn’t a curious child seeking knowledge; it was a teenager trying to negotiate his way into getting what he wanted. After a few rounds of his probing questions, I suggested he could look up research on the topic—once he earned his screen time back. He groaned, realizing that he was out of luck this time.
As a parent, there are moments when you feel synchronized with your child, sharing in their joys and challenges, while other times, it feels like a boxing match where you must outlast each other. In this instance, I claimed victory. It may seem trivial, but I recognized his attempt at manipulation and wasn’t about to give in.
My pre-parent self had noble intentions of always being the patient responder to my child’s inquiries. I still strive to provide thoughtful answers, especially concerning the boundaries I set. My children understand that the decisions I make stem from a desire to promote their health, happiness, safety, and success. They know my rules are deliberate, not arbitrary, and that I aim to be authoritative rather than authoritarian.
Yet, I never anticipated that my kids would sometimes turn into savvy negotiators, testing boundaries just like any other human. This behavior is a normal part of development, not a sign of future villainy.
As I navigate the complexities of parenting, it’s clear that nothing is ever as simple as it seems. There are no black-and-white rules, and my children will continually find new ways to surprise me. Sometimes, I must turn the tables and surprise them in return.
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In summary, my experience as a parent has taught me that while I strive to be the patient responder to my child’s questions, the reality is often more complicated. Teenagers can be skilled negotiators, testing boundaries rather than simply seeking answers. Parenting is a balance of understanding and asserting authority, and sometimes, it’s about surprising each other along the way.
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