“Eighteen months is my cutoff. If she’s not weaned by then, I’m done!” I exclaimed to my partner in sheer frustration. Our sixteen-month-old daughter had woken me up for the third time that night wanting to nurse, and I was at my wit’s end. Teething seemed to be the only thing that brought her comfort, and I was completely drained.
Being a quarantine baby, Mia has developed an intense bond with me, often feeling overwhelming. She spent her entire first year at home, rarely stepping outside. While I cherish that I was there for every moment, it has made her transition to independence a bit more difficult. She clings to me around the clock, nursing far longer than her older brothers did.
Both of my boys weaned around fifteen months, gradually reducing to once a day before that. I would nurse them to sleep, and it felt sweet and tender. When they stopped, I was proud but also nostalgic, feeling that a piece of their infancy slipped away.
Mia, however, seems to have extended this phase. Now almost nineteen months, I have to admit I didn’t enforce my “boob barnacle” cutoff at eighteen months.
Why’s that? It’s complicated. I had intended to limit her access right after she turned sixteen months so we could be done by eighteen, but she looked so small and vulnerable. One more month wouldn’t hurt, right? Then she started getting her molars, and I felt it would be unkind to wean her while she was in pain. Just as her teeth broke through, she injured her leg. I didn’t want to take away her only source of comfort during such a tough time.
After her cast came off, I was ready to enforce my weaning plan when RSV hit our household. My sweet girl was miserable, requiring a trip to the ER and strong treatment. What kind of monster would deny their sick child comfort? Not this one.
So here we are, a month past my self-imposed deadline, and there’s no sign of stopping. She nurses constantly, including through the night. I’ve accepted that she doesn’t use a pacifier or latch onto a toy—“boobies” are her sole source of comfort.
While I try to embrace this phase, I won’t pretend it’s always easy. Just last night, after nursing her to sleep, I gently unlatched her as I always do, and she completely lost it, shouting “Boobie!” at a pitch that made my ears ring. I handed her off to her dad and took a moment for myself.
I adore her, but I often feel overwhelmed. One of my kids is always on me, and nursing amplifies that. When my breasts were full, I felt little sensation, but now, I can feel her little teeth grazing my skin, a sensation that sometimes drives me nuts. I’ve even thought about googling “flesh-colored silicone patches” to cover my nipples—just to see if they exist.
I dream of a full night’s sleep, but that hasn’t happened yet. She wakes two or three times, needing just a few minutes of nursing to settle back down. But forcing her to wean isn’t something I’m ready for. The World Health Organization recommends nursing until at least age two. Even without that recommendation, all I need to do is look at her to see she’s still a baby.
She’s full of life, always on the move, expressing her feelings with big gestures. When she’s finally cuddled up in her pajamas, and we rock while she nurses, her long lashes fall softly on her cheeks, and sometimes she even suckles in her sleep. She’s a little miracle for our family, especially after a difficult season.
I’m eager for the day she decides she’s done nursing (and I understand why some parents cut this phase short), but for now, I’m choosing to embrace the challenges of breastfeeding for a little while longer. Until she’s two—that’s my new limit. If she’s not weaned by then, I might have to make a tough decision… or maybe not.
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In summary, navigating breastfeeding an older toddler can be both challenging and rewarding. While it can feel overwhelming, embracing the connection and recognizing the comfort it provides can make the journey worthwhile.
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