As a Boston transplant, I recently relocated to a suburb of Tampa in search of more sunshine—both literally and metaphorically. The combination of a pandemic, a divorce, and a health scare prompted a mid-life crisis I could no longer ignore.
Now, I find myself in a town I had never even heard of until a few months ago. Initially, I made an offer on another house without even seeing it, before I ever set foot in Florida. Thankfully, that didn’t pan out, which encouraged me to fly down and explore my options.
During that visit, one particular home welcomed me with a stunning display of butterflies, an experience like none I had encountered in my 48 years. It instantly felt like I had finally found my place. I felt inspired to write a letter expressing how those four walls connected me to my grief journey.
To the family of the woman who owned my new home,
From the moment I stepped into your beloved mom’s lovely home, I knew it was meant for me. The soaring ceilings, unique layout, charming details, and serene pool left a lasting impression, but the butterfly decal on the sliding glass door was what truly captivated me. As I approached the door in awe, vibrant butterflies danced in the backyard, making their presence felt.
It sent chills down my spine. Let me explain why.
Before my mom passed away from ovarian cancer in 2013, I asked her how she would reach out to me after she was gone, knowing how deeply I would miss her. “I’ll send butterflies,” she replied, tears welling in her eyes.
Sadly, I didn’t see a single butterfly for over a year following her death. One day, engulfed by sorrow, I drove to a butterfly sanctuary just to be around them, yearning for a sign. That sign finally came when I entered your mom’s home, nearly eight years after my mom’s untimely passing.
My mom had a passion for butterflies; she read countless books about them, traveled to Costa Rica and the Galapagos to see them, and spoke of them endlessly. In fact, there’s a butterfly engraved on her grave. I know she is with me here, cheering on my brave decision to move to Florida with my children, breaking free from my cocoon to start anew.
My kids have also faced unimaginable loss. They both lost their father to kidney cancer in 2018, and my bonus daughter lost her mom to breast cancer when she was just four. Together, we have been overwhelmed by grief at times, yet we choose to live with hope, inspired by my mom’s resilient spirit.
After closing, I read your beautifully heartfelt note and could relate to the fresh pain you are experiencing. My mother’s passing left me shattered; I have never quite been the same since. She was my unwavering light in a sometimes gloomy world, my biggest supporter as I chased my dreams, and the most loving grandmother to my children. The words you used to describe your mom resonate with me, as I often use similar adjectives when writing about mine.
I can only imagine how difficult it was to pack up your mom’s belongings and trust that her home would be cherished. I want you to know that I aim to do just that—filling it with love, laughter, and hopefully children and grandchildren one day, just like she did. You are welcome to visit us whenever you wish.
I’ll leave you with my mother’s favorite quote, which rings especially true during times of grief: “Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.” Please rest assured that I will never remove your mom’s butterfly decal; it will stay in honor of her and as a tribute to my mom.
My next children’s book, “Goodnight Star, Whoever You Are,” is set to release on October 26th, in anticipation of Children’s Grief Awareness Day. If you’re interested in learning more about pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource from the CDC.
For those seeking more information on self insemination, I recommend checking out the artificial insemination kit options from the experts at Make A Mom. You can also read more on related topics in our other blog posts here.
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- What is a home insemination kit?
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In summary, my experience of moving to a new home has become intertwined with my journey of grief and healing. The unexpected sign of butterflies has reminded me of my mom’s love and presence in my life, bringing comfort amid loss.
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