Trigger Warning: Disordered eating, anorexia, fatphobia
Let’s get real: I’ve experienced being clinically obese and then transitioned to anorexia, ultimately looking classically anorexic. Believe me, shopping for a size 2x is tough, just like it is for a size 2. I’ve encountered rolls and ribs. I’ve hiked up a mountain comfortably while being overweight and cried because I couldn’t when I was underweight, proving that body size doesn’t define ability (think about that, ableist folks). I know body shaming. I’ve faced it while both fat and skinny. However, as I lost weight, I realized there’s a significant distinction between fat shaming and skinny shaming.
Skinny Shaming vs. Fat Shaming
People sometimes give me a hard time. I weigh about the same as my large German Shepherd. I’ve heard things like, “You should eat more,” or “You look gaunt.” When I casually mentioned that I had gained weight but then lost it after getting sick, my family shot me disapproving looks that made me want to hide under the table. They even pointed out that my young nephew weighs more than I do.
This skinny shaming feels trivial. It’s just a few awkward moments. At Target, the cashier smiles at me. Guys in downtown areas check me out. Men hold doors open for me. Doctors pay close attention to my health concerns because I’m small. When I mention feeling tired, they check my iron and thyroid levels. No one raises an eyebrow when I order dessert; they assume I need the calories.
When I was overweight, the scenario was entirely different. If you’ve never been fat, you wouldn’t understand the slow, pervasive humiliation society inflicts on you. As a larger person, I often felt invisible or like I was being judged for simply existing. I would walk in public and people wouldn’t meet my gaze, or they’d look away as if I were some kind of embarrassment. I’d often have doors slam into me, and doctors would attribute every ailment to my weight. Fat people dread ordering dessert because of the judgmental stares.
See the privilege? I’m small now, which means society views me as more deserving of kindness and proper medical attention than those who are overweight. When I experience skinny shaming, it stings, but I remind myself that the world is literally designed for thin, able-bodied individuals.
On the other hand, when I was fat and faced body shaming, it made me feel awful, and I stepped into a world that saw me as less than and felt even worse. There’s no real comparison between fat shaming and skinny shaming.
Dear Slim People: Stop Talking About It
Fat shaming is not okay. Everyone deserves to feel comfortable in their own skin, and no one should ever criticize someone else’s body size, shape, or ability. For those who are slender, there are appropriate ways to respond to fat shaming, such as expressing empathy and support for the affected individual, affirming that everyone’s body is valid and worthy of respect.
It’s inappropriate to follow a discussion about fat shaming with, “I understand how you feel,” and then share a story about being skinny shamed. While both might be forms of body shaming, the implications are vastly different. Society often celebrates thinness, whereas fatness is stigmatized.
Skinny individuals benefit from thin privilege; they embody societal ideals. We often hear about weight-loss goals, while the struggles of fat individuals are overlooked. When someone is called “skinny,” they might accept it as a compliment. Conversely, calling someone “fat” is often seen as an insult. That encapsulates the difference between fat shaming and skinny shaming.
It’s important to recognize that while both forms of body shaming are damaging, they do not carry the same weight in society. I hesitate to share my experiences of skinny shaming because they can come off as bragging. There’s a significant divide: comments like “Eat a cheeseburger, skinny-minnie” don’t hold the same harmful weight as “Stop eating, you’re fat.”
Fat individuals often do not want to hear about your experiences of being skinny shamed.
Body Shaming Is Harmful
While all forms of body shaming are detrimental, they are not equal. Our culture valorizes certain body types over others, and that privilege alters the stigma associated with body shaming.
Do you want to express your frustration about being skinny shamed? That’s valid, but it should be done in a context that isn’t centered on fat shaming. There’s room for your feelings; just don’t conflate them with the experiences of those dealing with fat shaming. I can walk away from moments of skinny shaming, but fat people can’t escape the shame society assigns to their bodies.
Every body is a good body. All body shaming is wrong. However, if fat individuals are discussing their experiences, refrain from making comparisons.
For more insights, check out this related blog post about body positivity. If you’re interested in artificial insemination, Make a Mom is an excellent resource. Additionally, the Women’s Health site provides valuable information regarding infertility and family planning.
Summary
This article delves into the distinctions between skinny shaming and fat shaming, emphasizing that while both forms of body shaming exist, their societal implications are vastly different. The author shares personal experiences to highlight the privileges associated with being thin, as well as the challenges faced by those who are fat. The piece advocates for understanding and empathy in discussions about body image and shaming.
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