When We Give Our All to Family, Partners, and Work, We Risk Losing Ourselves

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Right now, my kids are tucked away in their rooms, waiting for me to finish my work because I’m the key to their adventures outside this house. My daughter is fixated on DIY beauty tricks from the dollar store, while my son needs a ride to his friend’s place.

My partner is coming over for dinner tonight, and a few days ago, when I felt more energized, I excitedly suggested we host a family dinner featuring all our favorite summer recipes—of course, I’d be the one cooking.

Yesterday was my day off, and I quickly realized how much my house was crying out for a deep clean after I’d allowed my kids to hang out with our two dogs. My roots were showing, and I couldn’t help but feel washed out; every glance in the mirror left me questioning my reflection.

With only one roll of toilet paper left, I started jotting down a grocery list that quickly spiraled into a massive collection of everything we needed. I dove into a cleaning frenzy until I became so hangry that I had to step out to grab food to avoid snapping at someone.

After unloading the groceries, I was already overwhelmed and on the verge of tears. I despise reaching this point—where even the tiniest task, like mowing the lawn or paying a bill, feels like too much. I’ve trained myself to think I deserve to play catch-up whenever I slack off. After all, I took Friday off but didn’t accomplish anything that felt rewarding. Or did I? I spent that “mental health day” trimming branches long overdue, weeding, changing my oil, taking the kids out for ice cream, and finally replacing burnt-out light bulbs.

I fell into a deep sleep after a date night filled with dinner and intimacy, an evening I struggled to enjoy because I was so worn out from the week. Now, I yearn to take my kids out for fun activities, cook a nice dinner—which I do enjoy—and spend quality time with my partner. But today, all signs point to burnout; right now, I just want to hide under a pillow and shut out the world.

This isn’t how life should feel.

I should have used my Friday to recharge from life’s demands, the very reason I planned to take it off. Instead, I let my inner martyr take over, convincing myself that I should run errands, tackle chores, or cart my kids around instead of taking the time I really needed to relax with a book or stroll through my garden.

I keep adding to my plate, saying “yes” instead of pausing and checking in with how I feel. No one is asking me to do all this. In fact, my kids and partner would prefer a less stressed-out version of me who doesn’t break down over misplaced ketchup. They want me to enjoy our time together.

A few years ago, I learned that I don’t have to shoulder everything myself, but understanding this and acting on it are two different matters. I find myself so consumed with keeping the house spotless that I have no time for what brings me joy. I can’t feel excited about outings with my partner when I’m exhausted and have committed to a social event when what I truly need is a quiet night at home.

No one will mind if we opt for pizza tonight instead of me slaving away in the kitchen. It’s summer, after all, a time for grilling and light meals, not labor-intensive dishes.

One person cannot meet the needs of their children, partner, job, and home without sacrificing their own well-being. So why do we continue this cycle?

Why do we believe that this week will somehow be different? Why do we feel guilty when we take a day for ourselves? Why do we think running on empty makes us heroic?

I think I know: the thought of catching up is exhausting, and we fear that if we don’t do it all, who will? Certainly not the people in our lives who seem much happier because they don’t feel the need to have everything done perfectly.

But this mindset doesn’t improve our lives.

If I had taken that Friday off as planned to reset, I would have felt better today. I wouldn’t be irritated with my kids or feel stretched too thin. I would have been excited to prepare dinner and enjoy time with my family, but instead, I feel drained.

I must remember that neglecting my own needs causes everything else to suffer. Continuously saying “yes” to everyone else breeds bitterness and fatigue. We need to normalize prioritizing ourselves as mothers rather than merely picking up the pieces for others.

I’m committed to breaking this cycle because I know I’m a happier person when I do. That’s reason enough for me.

If you’re interested in exploring more about self-care and well-being, check out this insightful post on Home Insemination. For authoritative guidance on home insemination, visit Make a Mom, and for excellent resources on pregnancy, refer to NHS.

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Summary:

Balancing responsibilities as a parent, partner, and employee can lead to personal burnout when we neglect self-care. It’s crucial to recognize our own needs and set boundaries to foster happiness and well-being. Prioritizing time for ourselves is not just beneficial for us but also enhances our relationships with family and friends.


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