As the pandemic unfolded, I sensed the worsening situation for weeks. In my area, the positivity rate surged from 0.3% to over 2%. Local camps were experiencing outbreaks, many having adopted a “mask optional” policy for the summer. The Delta variant was making its presence known, and the percentage of cases attributed to it was rising daily. We were all aware of the havoc Delta had wreaked in places like the U.K. and Israel, which had high vaccination rates.
However, it wasn’t until the CDC released its revised mask guidance that I truly felt overwhelmed. As someone who has been extremely cautious throughout the pandemic, I had continued to wear a mask indoors even after vaccination, so I didn’t mind the new recommendation for everyone, regardless of vaccination status. What truly disheartened me was the reasoning behind this guidance. According to The New York Times, it was based on new research suggesting that vaccinated individuals could still become contagious if they contracted COVID.
As Apoorva Mandavilli detailed in the Times, “C.D.C. officials were influenced by new scientific evidence indicating that even vaccinated people may become infected and can carry the virus in significant amounts, potentially akin to unvaccinated individuals.” The Washington Post highlighted that this was not the case prior to Delta’s emergence; at that time, evidence suggested vaccinated people rarely transmitted the virus.
This is disheartening. Remember when vaccinated individuals were unlikely to spread the virus, even if they experienced breakthrough infections? That seems to be a thing of the past. Now, even fully vaccinated people can transmit the virus, regardless of whether they show symptoms. “Individuals who are vaccinated, even when they’re asymptomatic, can pass the virus along, which is the basis for this recommendation,” Dr. Fauci shared with the Post.
As I absorbed this information, my heart sank. I know I’m not alone in this feeling; parents everywhere are feeling the burden of this news. My family was among those who took the virus seriously before vaccines were available. We had been in strict lockdown until my husband and I received our vaccinations, followed soon by our teenager.
The only one left unvaccinated was our 8-year-old, who has asthma and has needed hospitalization for attacks in the past. We were cautious about exposing him to the virus. After being reassured in May that fully vaccinated individuals posed little risk of transmission, we began to venture out more, expanding our social circle.
As community numbers dropped in late spring, we enrolled in the local pool, planned COVID-safe vacations, and allowed our teen to participate in an in-person play. Yes, COVID was still present, and our youngest was unvaccinated, but we felt secure engaging in low-risk activities. Our children spent time with their grandparents, and we enjoyed a family reunion with aunts, uncles, and grandparents—everyone except our 8-year-old was fully vaccinated. We believed he would be safe, given that no one in his vaccinated family could transmit the virus to him.
But that’s no longer the case.
Now, I’m unsure how to keep my family safe. We’re not returning to complete lockdown—three out of four of us are fully vaccinated. While the vaccines may not prevent infections as effectively as before, they still offer strong protection against severe illness, hospitalization, and death.
I kept my kids indoors for over a year, and they need to live their lives. I don’t want to keep letting them down, but I recognize that I must be more cautious to protect my unvaccinated child. If any of us faces a breakthrough infection, we risk infecting the unvaccinated member of our household.
Will I have to ask grandparents to wear masks indoors when visiting? Should I request vaccinated friends and family to take a COVID test before seeing us? Can my vaccinated teen safely meet up with his vaccinated friends as I had hoped? Should we consider canceling our upcoming vacation if case numbers rise further?
These thoughts make me feel dizzy and anxious. The truth is, I don’t have answers to these questions right now. Like every other phase of this pandemic, I will need to assess risks, listen to expert advice, discuss our family’s specific situation, and continuously adapt our approach.
At this moment, I feel weighed down by the news. Last night, as I got into bed, I thought, “Here we go again.” Instead of the panic I felt at the onset of COVID and lockdown, I’m now gripped by a sense of despair. I recognize that I’ll have to adjust our lives once more and, inevitably, disappoint my children again.
I’m experiencing grief more than anything else. There was once a light at the end of the tunnel, but it has dimmed. I expected our lives to be unusual for a year or so, but I didn’t anticipate it worsening so fast.
After being patient and hopeful for the first 18 months, I’m now mourning this chapter of my children’s childhood. I know we will be okay in the end. My kids are resilient and will overcome this. My little one will eventually get vaccinated, and it’s unlikely we will suffer severe illness if we contract the virus. We are indeed fortunate, and I am grateful.
Yet, I’m also sad, exhausted, frustrated, angry, and grieving. I know I’m not alone in these feelings.
For more insights on navigating this challenging time, you might want to read this post on the importance of staying informed about COVID-19.
Leave a Reply