As a parent, I realized my child was different long before her official diagnosis. Her exuberant energy was evident as she would leap onto the sofa, tumble to the floor with giggles, and eagerly touch every item on store shelves. She thrived on sensory experiences, yet even the slightest noise could send her into overwhelming distress, covering her ears and crying. We finally received a diagnosis, confirming what we had suspected all along: our child is neurodiverse. This confirmation brought us relief and clarity, allowing us to seek the right support for her. However, we faced challenges from relatives and friends who struggle to accept this reality.
I remember sharing my enthusiasm with a close friend, who has a neurodiverse child herself, about starting therapies for my daughter. I explained how the school was adjusting her IEP to ensure she had access to the same learning opportunities as her peers. I had also prepared a list of accommodations that would help her thrive, such as preferred seating and access to sensory tools. To my shock, my friend responded, “The world won’t cater to her. You can’t expect everyone to make exceptions.” I was taken aback; accommodations are not exceptions—they are essential adjustments to ensure that children can fully participate in their education. It was a disappointing moment that made me realize she wouldn’t be a source of support.
The responses from some relatives were even more disheartening. Comments like “All kids are active!” or “She just needs to focus” downplayed the real challenges my child faces. One relative, a retired teacher, even suggested that a “good spanking” was in order, misunderstanding completely that a sensory meltdown is not a sign of disrespect. Other friends offered misguided advice, such as enrolling my daughter in karate, as if physical activity alone could change her neurological makeup. It’s essential to clarify that diagnoses like ADHD are not a result of poor discipline, and they can’t be resolved through it either.
I quickly learned to cut off these detrimental conversations. If someone speaks from a place of empathy and understanding, I am more than willing to listen. However, I have little patience for unsolicited advice from those who haven’t taken the time to educate themselves about neurodiversity. Their focus on my child’s perceived difficulties often blinds them to her many strengths and beautiful qualities.
It would be incredibly helpful if more relatives and friends took the time to understand my child’s diagnoses. They would realize that simply insisting a child “do as I say” is ineffective, especially for a neurodiverse child. Our approach to parenting has been shaped by professional guidance and a willingness to adapt, emphasizing connection over rigid expectations.
I can’t fathom why some people refuse to acknowledge the reality of disabilities, perhaps clinging to outdated stigmas. For us, the diagnoses were not a setback but a valuable starting point to better understand and support our child. We embrace her unique needs and recognize that these are not problems to fix but aspects of who she is. As parents, we prioritize her need for support and understanding above all else, and while it’s tiring to defend our choices, we know that our child’s well-being comes first.
I have made significant efforts to educate our family and friends, correcting misconceptions and ensuring that our child feels proud of who she is. We wholeheartedly accept our daughter, and we trust that, with time, our loved ones will come to do the same. While I might feel the urge to confront ignorant comments, I choose to channel that energy into advocating for my child. Parenting her is a privilege, and I won’t let naysayers dampen our joy.
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In summary, parenting a neurodiverse child can be incredibly challenging, especially when navigating the misconceptions and judgments from family and friends. It’s vital to advocate for our children, educate those around us, and focus on their unique strengths and needs. Our dedication to embracing and supporting our child will always take precedence over any naysayers.
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