It’s been incredibly hot lately, but for the first time in years, I’ve decided I really don’t care. Life is too short, and summer is too sweltering to hide beneath long sleeves that cover me from head to toe. This year was a turning point for me—I confidently rocked a two-piece swimsuit, even though I never reached my so-called “goal weight” (whatever that even means). I also let go of the worry about others’ opinions regarding my mid-sized body, or at least, the anxiety about what I thought they thought as I displayed my body proudly.
Does it sound overly dramatic to call this a turning point? If so, then you may have experienced the privilege of living in a body that, while not perfect, is accepted by society. Throughout the years, my body has fluctuated between two extremes: a straight size during my eating disorder and a curvy mid-size body. Honestly, I’ve never felt truly comfortable in either. The truth is, my discomfort had nothing to do with my size or weight.
Looking back, 2020 was supposed to be my big year. Turning 30 was meant to kickstart a transformation where I’d get my life in order. I was focusing on my mental health, and my mom had finally recovered enough for us to breathe easy again. Most importantly, I aimed to shed pounds and feel confident taking family photos. Then the pandemic hit, and everything changed.
While I’m not one to find silver linings easily, the lockdown served as a catalyst for my journey toward body acceptance in ways I once thought impossible. I always believed that achieving a specific number on the scale would lead to happiness and self-acceptance. Spoiler alert: that’s not how it works.
For the past two decades, my goal was not to accept my body at any size, but rather to shrink myself—to take up less space and conform to what I thought would please everyone else. How messed up is that? But I know I’m not alone in this thought process.
The inspiration for sharing my story comes from a profound conversation I had with Dr. Emma Collins, a body positivity advocate. When asked about her vision for promoting body acceptance, she said, “Imagine a world where we can have a peaceful relationship with food, our bodies, and ourselves.” What a fantastic idea! She went on to suggest that we can cultivate body positivity by seeking out the silver linings in our daily experiences. I took this advice to heart.
When I wore my first two-piece bathing suit, I shifted my focus away from my appearance and instead immersed myself in the day. It was sunny and warm, and I was surrounded by the joyous laughter of my kids, who squealed with delight each time the wave pool’s siren sounded. That’s what I remember most about that day—not the thoughts of judgment or insecurity.
In fact, I realized that for every person I assumed was judging me, they were likely preoccupied with their own insecurities. Dr. Collins reminded me, “Most people are too busy worrying about themselves to notice you.” This perspective was a game-changer. While you may not be used to seeing someone with a mid-size body in a swimsuit, that’s perfectly okay. What you choose to wear is about your comfort, not anyone else’s. Don’t wait for the next milestone or birthday to begin your own journey toward body acceptance. It’s a wild ride, but one that is absolutely worthwhile.
This post was originally published on Aug. 1, 2021.
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Summary:
This article discusses the author’s journey toward body acceptance and confidence, particularly during swim season. By embracing her mid-size body and letting go of societal judgments, she encourages others to prioritize their comfort and happiness. The piece highlights the importance of self-acceptance and focusing on joyful experiences rather than insecurities.
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