Last week, I took my daughter, Mia, and her close friend, Jenna, to the mall. On the way, Mia mentioned her class schedule and expressed her reluctance to take French 3, as it wasn’t a requirement. After struggling with the language for two years, she was feeling overwhelmed.
In the backseat, their conversation drifted to college. Jenna, who is excelling in honors classes, stated, “Since you’re going to be a junior, you really need to load up your schedule. Colleges look closely at your junior year.” She went on to explain why Mia should stick with French, and as Jenna spoke, I noticed Mia growing more anxious. Mia enjoys working after school, cooking, and spending time with her pets, and she often finds academics challenging.
Their talk shifted to senior projects and papers, and I could see Mia was about to panic. I reminded them that junior year hadn’t even begun and emphasized the importance of taking things one step at a time.
I deeply appreciate Jenna’s friendship with Mia. Despite their differences—Jenna’s rigorous schedule of private lessons and music, and Mia’s more laid-back approach—they complement each other well. Before we picked Jenna up, she had been at a singing lesson, juggling her honors workload over the summer.
Mia, on the other hand, had spent her day off enjoying time with her animals and longboarding around the neighborhood. She’s been working two jobs over the summer and just wanted a break. Though she aspires to attend college, she isn’t willing to endure extreme stress to gain admission.
We’ve explored various activities together, but after Mia lost interest in many, I decided not to push her further. Forcing her into something she dislikes isn’t beneficial for her or those around her. While I firmly believe in the value of hard work, it’s crucial that my children don’t sacrifice their well-being.
Mia experiences social anxiety and has dealt with bouts of anxiety and depression. Knowing this, I refuse to pressure her into activities that could jeopardize her mental health. Every teenager is unique—Jenna thrives on her hectic schedule, while Mia needs more downtime outside of school.
Mia finds joy in manageable schoolwork, spending time with animals, and earning her own money, which boosts her confidence. Life enrichment isn’t about relentless competition or proving oneself. It’s about identifying what genuinely brings happiness and fulfillment.
I want my children to quickly grasp that their happiness should always take precedence. If they decide to put in extra effort to gain admission to a specific school, they must remember to prioritize their mental health. Mia doesn’t need to take that French class or juggle all the requirements—college applications, scholarships, volunteering, internships—if it detracts from her enjoyment of junior year.
The college admissions process has become overwhelming. Many students take college courses in high school to get ahead, but I often wonder what they’re racing toward. There’s ample time to explore options, and frankly, they deserve it.
Yes, life is about doing your best and putting in effort. However, it’s also about discovering what makes you happy and fulfilled, without measuring success against someone else’s standards. My encouragement for Mia to only take on what she can handle isn’t about laziness; it’s about teaching her to prioritize her mental health. At the end of the day, that’s what truly matters. It’s better to step back from something than to burn out and lose sight of your goals.
Getting into college shouldn’t come at the expense of our teenagers’ well-being.
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- How to manage teen stress
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In summary, it’s essential to encourage teenagers to enjoy their lives while they prepare for the future. Balancing academic responsibilities with personal happiness and mental health is key to a fulfilling teenage experience.

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