By: Jamie Carter
Updated: Aug. 5, 2021
Originally Published: Aug. 5, 2021
It seems like threesomes have become less stigmatized over the years. While still an intriguing topic, they’re no longer seen as taboo or a relationship killer. In fact, many people now celebrate threesomes and the swinger lifestyle as exciting adventures!
So, if you’re curious, know that threesomes are no longer confined to adult entertainment. There are numerous configurations beyond the traditional male/female/female dynamic. If you’re looking to explore threesomes or non-monogamous arrangements, keep reading for preparation tips, what to anticipate, and some essential etiquette—because you definitely want to get it right before diving in.
Preparing for a Threesome
Desiring to add a third person to your sex life is one thing, but pursuing it is another matter entirely. Here are some important considerations as you embark on this journey.
Understand Your Motivations
It may sound obvious, but self-reflection is key. Are you genuinely interested in having a threesome, or are you succumbing to your partner’s wishes? (Pro tip: never engage in a threesome solely to satisfy someone else if you’re not comfortable.) What do you hope to gain from the experience? Define your emotional and physical boundaries before proceeding.
Open Communication
If you’re in a committed relationship and desire a threesome, it’s essential to have open discussions (more than one!) with your partner regarding your feelings, needs, and reservations. Beyond selecting a third partner, discuss the location, acceptable sexual activities, safety measures, and each person’s comfort levels. Once you involve a third person, ensure they are included in these conversations as well.
Be Honest and Transparent
Treat all participants with respect and honesty. If you’re a couple seeking a third partner, be upfront about it. Avoid “unicorn hunting,” a term that describes heterosexual couples seeking a bisexual female for a permanent arrangement. This can objectify queer women and reduce them to mere additions to the couple.
What to Anticipate in a Threesome
While firsthand experience is irreplaceable, reading about others’ encounters can provide insight. Here are a few things to keep in mind:
Expect to Participate Fully
If you think you can just relax while two others cater to your every need, prepare for disappointment. Be ready to check in on your partners’ emotional and physical comfort. Threesomes are about mutual pleasure, not just your own.
Overwhelm is Possible
Having an extra person can complicate matters, leading to feelings of insecurity or jealousy. If anyone feels overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to pause the activity. A break can relieve tension and doesn’t mean the experience is ruined.
Awkward Moments are Normal
Expect some discomfort. Just like your first time having sex, a threesome can come with its share of snags. Embrace the awkwardness and focus on enjoying the experience rather than striving for perfection.
Real Life Isn’t Porn
Many people’s understanding of threesomes comes from adult films, which often present a very unrealistic view. Your experience is unlikely to mirror what you’ve seen on screen; remember that real life can be much different than fantasy.
Tips for a Great Threesome (and Proper Etiquette)
- Prioritize Safety
Always practice safe sex. Use condoms or dental dams, and ensure someone knows who you’re meeting and when. - Build Rapport with Your Third
Consider doing non-sexual activities with your partners before diving into the more intimate aspects. This can help everyone feel more comfortable. - Stay Sober
While a drink or two might help ease nerves, don’t go overboard. Maintaining clarity is vital for safety and consent.
This article is just scratching the surface of the topic, but it should give you a solid foundation as you explore new adventures.
For more insights on related topics, check out this blog post and learn about other aspects of sexual exploration. Also, Make a Mom offers valuable information on fertility journeys, while Cleveland Clinic provides excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination.
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