Last holiday season, one of my friends surprised our coffee group with Bombas socks and pink pepper spray keychains. This year, my plan is to gift my nieces items like lipstick tasers or tactical pens. These stylish and discreet self-defense tools make for ideal presents and fit perfectly in a woman’s Christmas stocking. But here’s the unfortunate truth: it’s ridiculous that we even need to consider arming ourselves in the first place. And why is that? Because we are women.
In response to the tragic case of Londoner Sarah Everard, legal expert Emily Walsh expressed her frustration on social media: the reality is that many women feel compelled to protect themselves. From a young age, my mother taught me to “aim for the eyes” if I ever found myself in a dangerous situation. Friends and I were shown how to hold keys defensively. (Don’t slide them between your fingers; grip them tightly so they can be used to jab, just like the infamous shower scene in “Psycho.”) We all learned that if you’re in trouble, you should yell “fire” since shouting “rape” often goes ignored.
I attempted to carry pepper spray once, but an unfortunate incident put an end to that. A student swiped a teacher’s keys and went on a “spray-spree” in high school, resulting in a chaotic evacuation. Thankfully, I kept my job after a swift intervention from the teachers’ union, but I was instructed never to bring pepper spray to school again.
I also tried using a Kitty Kat, a clever metal self-defense keychain shaped like a cat’s head. However, it was confiscated by an officer at the Secretary of State’s office. Here’s how that conversation went:
Officer: “This could inflict serious damage.”
Me: “Exactly! That’s the idea!”
Officer: “Its only purpose is to harm someone.”
Me: “I’m aware!”
Officer: “That’s why it’s illegal.”
One feature I loved about my Kitty Kat was how you could slip your fingers through its eye holes, essentially turning it into a set of brass knuckles. Too often, self-defense tools like pepper spray can be turned against the victim, and I worry that any self-defense item, be it a taser or pocketknife, can easily be knocked from a trembling grip. But try to wrest my Kitty Kat from my grip, and you’ll find out just how fierce I can be!
It’s frustrating that as women, we are forced to search for “acceptable” self-defense weapons. A quick look online reveals a confusing array of laws. For instance, in Rhode Island, stun guns are prohibited; in North Carolina, they are allowed but can’t be carried off your property. In Michigan, pepper spray is legal as long as it’s under 1.2 ounces and contains no more than 18% oleoresin capsicum. Meanwhile, in New Jersey, if you’re over 18 and not a felon, you’re in the clear. Interestingly, in 21 states, Kitty Kats are completely illegal. Yet, all 50 states agree that everyday items like Q-tips and styrofoam are perfectly legal—so maybe we should just carry those for protection.
In a thought-provoking article for Motherly, author Lisa Grant argues that the conversation around women’s self-defense is misguided; rather, the focus should be on changing men’s behavior. “Instead of giving our daughters rape whistles,” she insists, “we should teach our sons not to rape.” I couldn’t agree more. Sadly, many young men still treat rape as a joke, as evidenced by comments from public figures over the years. The reality is that we still have a long way to go before we feel safe enough to stop arming our daughters with self-defense tools.
As a result, this December, I will carefully wrap a cute but potentially effective Kitty Kat for each of my nieces—even if it is illegal, I’ll be putting one in my own stocking too.
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Summary
This article discusses the necessity for women to carry self-defense tools, highlighting personal experiences and societal issues surrounding women’s safety. It explores the complicated landscape of self-defense laws, critiques societal attitudes toward violence against women, and emphasizes the need for change.
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