Last week, I took my son, Max, and his close friend to the mall. During our drive, Max mentioned that he wasn’t keen on taking Spanish 3, especially since it wasn’t required. He had already struggled with it for the past two years. In the backseat, their conversation took a concerning turn.
Friend: “Since you’re going to be a junior, you really need to load up your schedule. Colleges pay the most attention to your junior year! I’m taking art even though I can’t stand it, just to keep my options open for college.”
With each of her reasons for sticking with Spanish, Max seemed to grow more anxious. He enjoys working after school, cooking, and spending time with his dog. School has always been a challenge for him.
Then, they started discussing their upcoming senior projects and papers, and I could see Max slipping into panic mode. I reminded them both that junior year hadn’t even begun yet and that it was essential to take things one step at a time.
I truly value his friend’s determination and the strong bond they share, but their paths are different. Before our excursion, she had just come from her music lesson and was juggling summer assignments for her honors program.
Max, on the other hand, chose to spend his morning relaxing, taking care of his dog, and enjoying a ride on his skateboard. He had been working two part-time jobs over the summer, and this day off was something he had eagerly anticipated.
He has no interest in honors classes, sports, or music. While he wishes to attend college, he’s not willing to go to extreme lengths to get into a specific school. We’ve explored those avenues, but pushing him into activities that make him unhappy isn’t something I want to do.
I believe hard work has its rewards, but I refuse to let my children experience stress that could compromise their quality of life and mental well-being. Max faces social anxiety, and I’ve seen him deal with enough anxiety and depression to know that jeopardizing his mental health for the sake of meeting someone else’s expectations isn’t worth it.
All teenagers have their unique strengths. His friend thrives in competitive environments and has her sights set on a specific college, but Max needs more downtime. He is happiest with a manageable workload, time with his dog, and the independence that comes from working and earning money.
Life isn’t about exhausting ourselves to outshine others or fulfill someone else’s vision of success. It’s about discovering what brings us joy and fulfillment. I want my kids to understand this early on. If they decide to invest extra effort into college applications, I’ll always remind them that their happiness should come first.
Max wants to go to college, but there’s no need for it to consume him. He doesn’t need to take that Spanish class or meet every requirement if it means ruining his junior year. The pressure on students today is immense, with many taking college courses in high school to get ahead. But I question what they’re trying to get ahead of—there’s plenty of time to figure things out, and they need that time.
Yes, life is about doing your best and working hard, but it’s also about finding what brings happiness, fulfillment, and a sense of purpose that’s uniquely yours—not living up to someone else’s standards. Wanting Max to only take on what he can handle to preserve his mental health doesn’t make us lazy; it’s about prioritizing well-being.
At the end of the day, it’s essential to protect that mental health. It’s better to step back from something rather than risk burnout or depression. Getting into college doesn’t have to come at the cost of our teenagers’ well-being.
If you’re interested in more insights on this topic, check out this other blog post for additional perspectives. For those looking into home insemination, Make a Mom provides excellent resources, and March of Dimes offers valuable information on pregnancy and home insemination.
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In summary, it’s essential for teenagers to focus on their well-being and quality of life instead of succumbing to the pressures of college admissions. Each child is unique, and it’s important to encourage them to pursue what truly makes them happy, rather than conforming to external expectations.
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