During last year’s holiday gift exchange, one of my friends surprised our coffee group with Bombas socks and pink pepper spray keychains. This year, I plan to gift my nieces items like lipstick tasers or tactical pens. These discreet, stylish self-defense tools make for perfect presents that fit right into any woman’s Christmas stocking! However, the reality is quite frustrating. It’s not just about making space in stockings for these compact weapons; it’s the unsettling truth that women feel compelled to arm themselves at all. And why is that? Simply because we are women.
In response to the tragic disappearance of a Londoner named Sarah Everard, legal expert Lucy Thompson expressed her outrage in a viral tweet, echoing a sentiment shared by many. She’s not exaggerating. From the time I was old enough to take the bus to school, my mother advised me to “aim for the eyes and pop them out like olives” if I were ever attacked. My friends and I were taught to hold our keys in a specific way for defense. (Never slide them between your fingers; instead, grip them tightly to use as a weapon.) We were also told to yell “fire” instead of “rape” if we found ourselves in danger, knowing that the latter would often go unheard.
I’ve attempted to carry pepper spray, but a mishap ended that. When a student swiped a teacher’s keys and unleashed a “spray spree” in our high school, causing chaos and evacuations, the fallout was significant. Thankfully, after a heartfelt apology and the teachers’ union’s intervention, I kept my job but was strictly forbidden from bringing any pepper spray to school again. Fortunately, no one suffered any lasting effects.
I also tried a Kitty Kat, a clever metal self-defense keychain shaped like a cat’s head. Unfortunately, it was taken by a police officer at a state office. The conversation went something like this:
Officer: “This could cause serious injury.”
Me: “Exactly! That’s the point!”
Officer: “These are solely for harm—”
Me: “I know!”
Officer: “—and that’s why they’re illegal.”
What I loved about my Kitty Kat was how it could be held like brass knuckles. Too often, we hear about pepper spray being used against the victim, and the same can be said for any self-defense tool. An attacker can easily knock them from your grip. But try to snatch my Kitty Kat from my tightly clenched knuckles, and you’ll regret it.
It’s infuriating that women must search for “acceptable” self-defense tools. The regulations can be baffling. In Rhode Island, stun guns are banned; in North Carolina, they’re legal but can’t be concealed off your property. In Michigan, pepper spray is allowed as long as it’s under 1.2 oz and contains less than 18% oleoresin capsicum; in New Jersey, you can possess it if you’re 18 and not a felon. Interestingly, in 21 states, Kitty Kats are completely illegal. However, Q-tips and styrofoam are legal in all 50 states, so we might as well carry those as our only means of self-defense.
In an article for Motherly, writer Jamie Orsini argues that the focus should shift from how women should protect themselves to teaching men to stop violence. “Instead of giving our daughters rape whistles,” she states, “we should educate our sons not to rape.” I fully support her perspective. Too many young men today treat sexual violence as a joke, a sad reflection of our society.
Have we made progress since 1990, when a public figure likened rape to the weather? Clearly, we have not. That’s why this December, I’ll be wrapping up a cute yet potentially dangerous Kitty Kat for each of my nieces. Illegal or not, one will also go into my own stocking.
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Summary
In a world where women often feel unsafe, many resort to self-defense tools as a necessary precaution. As the author reflects on personal experiences and societal issues regarding safety, she emphasizes the need for balance in the conversation around self-defense and the importance of educating men about consent and respect. Despite the challenges, the need for women to arm themselves remains a pressing reality.
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