The Johnson Family Endured 5 Out of 8 Pregnancies — And Authored a Book on the Impact on Fathers Too

When my partner and I experienced our first miscarriage, I was initially enveloped in support. Numerous women reached out to share their own stories of loss, helping me feel less isolated. Online communities offered solace, reminding me that I was not alone in my grief, part of a broader network of women enduring similar heartache.

Meanwhile, my partner returned to work the very next day, as one HR representative once remarked, “bereavement leave is for, like, real people.” One colleague expressed sympathy by asking, “Aw, dude, that’s tough. Is your partner okay?” This reaction highlighted how often my loss was the focus, while my partner’s emotional struggles went unnoticed.

While my physical needs during that time were urgent, the emotional toll affected both of us deeply. We shared dreams for our baby, and my partner’s hopes were equally shattered.

Fast forward eight years to another miscarriage, and the experience echoed the first. My friends showered me with gifts and support, but few considered how my partner was coping. The dialogue surrounding miscarriage often overlooks men’s emotional experiences.

Mark Johnson’s Journey

Mark Johnson, a devoted husband and father of three, runs a fatherhood blog called The Dad Chronicles and has penned the book “Navigating Grief: A Father’s Guide to Miscarriage and Healing.” In his latest work, he dives into how miscarriage impacts fathers and shares his own family’s journey through loss, including interviews with nine other dads who reveal their emotional experiences with pregnancy loss.

I had the privilege of speaking with Mark and his partner, Lisa, for Home Insemination Kit. We explored their journey of family building amidst immense loss and sadness. With three wonderful children, they consider themselves fortunate, yet they carry the weight of losing five pregnancies over eight to nine years, including a heart-wrenching decision to terminate a pregnancy in the second trimester.

“It really affected me! If I felt this way as an average guy, I knew others must feel the same,” Mark explains. He emphasized the importance of including Lisa in their book project, acknowledging that miscarriage often weighs more heavily on the birthing partner.

Mark worked diligently to ensure Lisa was involved. “As a typical guy, I didn’t want to embark on this journey without her. Miscarriage impacts the birthing partner more significantly, and I wanted to share our story to help other non-birthing partners express their grief,” he says.

Lisa adds, “It pushed me out of my comfort zone, but I felt compelled to share our story, especially regarding the abortion aspect.”

Facing Challenges Together

In “Navigating Grief,” the couple openly discusses Mark’s struggle with male-factor infertility. “In some ways, that diagnosis was harder than the miscarriages,” Mark admits, reflecting on the emotional blow of learning that he was the one affecting their ability to conceive.

Throughout their journey, Mark and Lisa faced challenges in communication. “I needed him to share his feelings with me directly rather than through his blog. I would have preferred an open conversation about what we both needed,” Lisa shares.

Their second-trimester abortion was a devastating moment but also marked a turning point in Mark’s grieving process. After learning that their baby had a severe condition incompatible with life, the decision to terminate was agonizing but necessary to lessen potential suffering.

When they arrived at the clinic and faced protestors, Mark’s instinct was to confront them, leading to a viral moment that helped him channel his grief into something constructive. “That experience became a turning point for me,” he reveals.

Insights from Other Fathers

In their book, Mark and Lisa also include stories from other fathers, revealing a common theme: many men feel an overwhelming sense of frustration and anger due to their helplessness during pregnancy loss. “Men often want to fix problems immediately but struggle to cope with deep emotions,” Mark notes.

They want to clarify that while the book is titled “Navigating Grief,” it is not solely aimed at men. “This book is also for women who may feel their partners are emotionally distant. We care deeply, but we often lack the tools to express that grief,” Mark explains.

The couple hopes their work will shed light on how societal expectations of masculinity can stifle men’s emotional expression, particularly around loss. They aim to create a space where men can acknowledge and address their grief, even if they are not the ones carrying the pregnancy.

Further Resources

For more information on pregnancy-related topics, this is an excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination. If you’re interested in learning about home insemination options, you can check out this post on another one of our blogs.

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In summary, Mark and Lisa Johnson share their poignant journey through multiple pregnancy losses and the emotional challenges that accompanied them. Their book aims to open up conversations about how men are affected by miscarriage, encouraging support and understanding in a space that often neglects male perspectives.