Nothing good ever comes from an “Incident Report,” especially when it’s bright yellow—definitely not a positive sign. So, there it was: my four-year-old’s name, above a description from her camp counselor detailing a child matching her physical traits (oh no) who had ignored warnings about throwing rocks and ended up hitting another child in the head during lunch.
On one hand, I felt a wave of relief knowing that the other child was fine, and I had a connection with their parents to offer an apology. On the other hand, I was faced with the task of reaching out to apologize… for my child hitting theirs in the head… with a rock.
Most parents will encounter both sides of the aggression spectrum at some point; kids often play roles of both victim and perpetrator. Naturally, we feel our blood pressure rise at the thought of our child being mistreated. Conversely, when our child is the aggressor, we might feel shame and guilt, as if it reflects our parenting skills—despite not being present during the incident.
Can we all agree that this is a perfect moment for parents to adhere to the Golden Rule? We should respond to others in the manner we would hope they’d react if our child were the one at fault. This means staying calm, keeping things in perspective, and showing empathy to a fellow parent who is clearly uncomfortable.
Most parents I’ve encountered in similar situations have been understanding and light-hearted, even if there was initial tension. I felt grateful for that after the rock incident. Unfortunately, I’ve also witnessed the opposite.
A few years ago, my then-six-year-old son and two of his friends were accused of being mean to a boy they had just met at camp. Before the camp had a chance to investigate, the boy’s father stormed in during drop-off, demanding an explanation. His emotional outburst led to him pulling his son from the camp after a loud confrontation in front of a gym full of children.
While I could have seen this as a poor example of problem-solving for his son, my anxiety about my child’s involvement had me Googling the dad’s photo, just so I could avoid him at the grocery store.
Having three kids and countless hours spent on playgrounds, I realize that even the most well-behaved children can act out. There will be times we comfort our own children after a fall, and other times when we cringe as we realize our child is the reason another kid is crying. (The best days are when neither scenario applies!)
Let’s remember the “do unto others” principle when we feel tempted to confront another parent about typical childhood behavior. In my years of parenting, I’ve learned that how we treat each other matters greatly; karma is indeed very real.
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Summary
Parenting can be a rollercoaster of emotions as children navigate their social interactions. Many parents will find their child in both victim and aggressor roles, prompting feelings of anxiety and guilt. Maintaining empathy and perspective is crucial when handling these situations, and it helps to remember the Golden Rule in parent-to-parent interactions.
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