What My Children Discovered From Observing My Drinking — And Recovery

During a recent family dinner, I posed a question to my kids, now in their late teens: “What do you remember about my drinking?” Their simultaneous response of “nothing” surprised me, but then I recalled how easily I could hide it. They split their time between two homes due to divorce, and they were often surrounded by adults whose drinking habits normalized excesses and erratic behaviors.

Now, they recognize the stark contrast between my sober lifestyle and the decline they witness in adults who indulge in alcohol. Each drink seems to amplify unpredictability and intensity. Reflecting on my own teenage years, I too noticed how alcohol transformed the adults around me, but it didn’t deter me from engaging in my own exploration—drinking was often glorified as glamorous. I assumed my children viewed it similarly.

Insights from My Children

When I inquired further about their attitudes toward drinking, their candidness caught me off guard. My daughter, nearly eighteen, remarked, “Not interested; it makes you look dumb.” My nineteen-year-old son added, “I’ve tried it, but I hate the way it makes me feel. I just don’t do it anymore.” Unlike my teenage escapades of sneaking sips from my parents’ liquor cabinet, they routinely turn down tempting offers of fake IDs from peers.

Despite the pressures highlighted by a 2019 CDC Youth Risk Survey—showing that 29% of high school students consumed alcohol within the past month—there appears to be a decline in teenage drinking. A study by the National Institute of Public Health (NIPH) in Norway suggests that today’s teens prioritize family and academics and feel that “losing control” isn’t cool. Moreover, some are shifting from alcohol to marijuana, influenced by changing laws and perceptions.

Lessons Learned

So, what have my children gleaned from witnessing my journey through addiction, sobriety, and recovery? I asked them this as my final question of the evening, aware that my probing can be “annoying.”

First, they learned that it’s okay to not be okay. I’ve always been transparent about my struggles, sharing my experiences openly. Unlike my upbringing, where I felt isolated in my mistakes, I strive to show my children that everyone makes errors and that owning up to them is key to personal growth.

Second, they’ve realized that joy exists outside the realm of drinking culture. They’ve pointed out how much happier I seem now, enjoying simple moments and true connections rather than chasing a party atmosphere. They see me embracing downtime, which might help them appreciate life’s quieter moments rather than constantly seeking productivity.

Lastly, they’ve learned about transformation. I hoped my recovery would teach them that change is powerful. They recognize my struggles as stepping stones rather than setbacks, understanding that mistakes don’t define us—what matters is how we learn and move forward.

As we returned to the hotel, my kids playfully imitated my “turtle-mode” walk through crowds: backpack on, head down, ever-prepared. Their laughter was infectious, reminding me that my journey has had a more profound impact than I realized.

Summary

This article explores the lessons learned by the author’s children from observing their parent’s relationship with alcohol and subsequent recovery. They have recognized the importance of acknowledging one’s struggles, the joy of experiences beyond drinking, and the transformative power of growth. The reflections illustrate how parental experiences shape children’s perspectives on substance use and personal development.