Nothing good ever comes from a document labeled “Incident Report.” The bright yellow paper was certainly not a positive omen. There it was, my four-year-old’s name, alongside a detailed account from her camp counselor about a child matching her exact description (yikes) who had ignored warnings about throwing rocks and ended up hitting a friend during lunch.
On one hand, I felt a wave of relief because a) the other child seemed to be okay, and b) I knew their parents, allowing me to reach out and apologize. On the other hand, I had to contact them to say sorry… for my child hitting theirs in the head… with a rock.
Most parents will find themselves experiencing both sides of the playground dynamics, where children sometimes act as both aggressors and victims. It’s only natural to feel our tempers flare when we learn our child has been hurt by another. Conversely, the unrealistic pressures of modern parenting can lead to feelings of shame and guilt when our child is the one causing distress; it feels like a personal indictment, even if we weren’t present during the incident.
Could we agree, then, that this is the perfect moment for parents to embrace the Golden Rule? We should treat others the way we would want to be treated if our child was in the wrong. That means staying calm, keeping perspective, and showing empathy to fellow parents in these uncomfortable situations.
Most of the parents I’ve encountered in similar situations have responded with kindness and humor, even if there was some initial awkwardness. This was certainly true after the rock incident, and I’m genuinely grateful for their understanding. However, I’ve also witnessed the opposite reaction.
A few years ago, my six-year-old son and two friends were at camp when another boy claimed they were being mean to him. Before the camp staff could investigate the situation, the boy’s father stormed in during drop-off, demanding an explanation. He ended up pulling his son from the camp after a loud outburst in front of a gym full of kids.
While I could have viewed his emotional reaction as a poor example for his son regarding conflict resolution, at that moment, my own anxiety about my child’s involvement led me to search for the dad’s photo online just so I could avoid him at the grocery store.
After three kids and countless hours at playgrounds and playdates, I’ve learned that even the most well-behaved children can go rogue occasionally. There are days when we comfort our children after they’ve been hurt, and other days—those cringe-worthy ones—when we realize that our child is the source of someone else’s tears. (The best days are when we don’t find ourselves in either category.)
Let’s keep the “do unto others” principle in mind when we’re tempted to reprimand another parent for typical childhood behavior. Although I’ve only been a parent for less than a decade, it’s long enough to know that in the realm of parenting, how we treat each other matters greatly, and karma is very much in play.
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