During a recent family dinner, I asked my teenage children what they remembered about my drinking habits. Their immediate response was a surprising “nothing.” This caught me off guard until I recalled how easily I had concealed it. For one, they spent half their time at a different home due to our divorce. Additionally, they were often surrounded by adults who drank heavily, which normalized that behavior for them.
Now that they’re older, they recognize the stark contrasts between my sober life and the unpredictable antics of adults who drink. They see how the consumption of alcohol can lead to erratic behavior, something that I, too, noticed at their age. Despite the annoyances of the adults around me, I still yearned to explore that glamorous world of drinking.
When I turned the conversation to their own experiences with alcohol, their candidness surprised me. “Not interested; it makes you look dumb,” said my daughter, who will soon be eighteen. My son, almost nineteen, acknowledged having tried drinks but expressed his dislike for how it made him feel, stating, “I flat out don’t do it anymore.” Unlike my sneaky teenage escapades of pilfering from parents’ liquor cabinets, they actively decline the offers of fake IDs from acquaintances.
Statistics show that fewer teens are drinking these days. According to a 2019 Youth Risk Survey by the CDC, 29% of high school students consumed alcohol, with only 14% binge drinking. This decline is noteworthy, as a study from the National Institute of Public Health in Norway suggests that today’s teens view losing control as “not cool.” They have more online connections that help them resist the pressures associated with drinking culture, and some are opting for marijuana instead.
So, what lessons did my kids glean from watching my journey through addiction, sobriety, and recovery? First, they learned that it’s perfectly fine not to be okay. I’ve always been open about my struggles, demonstrating the importance of growth and self-forgiveness. I make it a point to acknowledge my mistakes, particularly when it comes to parenting.
Second, they discovered that having fun doesn’t have to revolve around drinking. They observe that I am happier and laugh a lot more without alcohol in my life. They see that my friendships are based on quality rather than quantity, and that I find joy in simply being present, even if that sometimes means doing nothing.
Lastly, they learned about transformation. I hoped they would see my recovery as a form of empowerment. Instead of viewing my struggles as setbacks, they recognize them as stepping stones in personal growth. Mistakes don’t define us; instead, they offer valuable lessons.
As we returned to our hotel that night, my kids playfully mimicked how I navigate through crowds, dubbing it “turtle mode.” We shared laughter, and I realized how much I had inadvertently taught them through my actions.
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In summary, my children learned valuable lessons about vulnerability, joy outside of drinking culture, and the power of transformation through observing my journey with alcohol. They now appreciate the importance of self-acceptance and personal growth.
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