I hear a loud thud from my daughter’s room, and I freeze in place. While my rational mind tells me I’m safe, my hands tremble, and my whole body stiffens. What’s wrong with me? That’s a complicated question with a multifaceted answer.
Here’s the reality: there’s nothing inherently wrong with me; I simply live with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), and yes, it influences my daily life. Honestly, explaining my heightened reactions to seemingly normal situations can be emotionally draining. But I’m here to shed some light on my experience.
Before I continue, let’s clarify something important: no one is obligated to explain their trauma, reactions, or coping mechanisms. I’m sharing my story in hopes of helping someone out there. Whether you’re experiencing PTSD yourself or you’re in a relationship with someone who is, open communication about this condition can be beneficial for everyone involved. So, let’s dive in.
The phrase “it’s not you, it’s me” perfectly encapsulates my experience. My feelings of withdrawal and being triggered by everyday events have nothing to do with the person I’m with. Here are a few insights about being in a relationship with someone who has PTSD that you might not know.
Understanding PTSD
Contrary to popular belief, PTSD can affect anyone. Media representations often focus on military veterans, first responders, or similar professions where trauma is more visible. Yet, according to the American Psychiatric Association, 1 in 11 people will be diagnosed with PTSD at some point in their lives.
Think of the first 11 people you know—are they all in trauma-related jobs? Probably not. They could be teachers, stay-at-home parents, students, or service workers. Many carry the weight of trauma beneath a well-maintained facade. Unfortunately, statistics only account for diagnosed individuals, leaving many others, like me, who live with undiagnosed PTSD.
I’m part of that statistic, and I’ve never had a notably extraordinary life. I haven’t endured kidnapping or found myself in a burning building. Fireworks don’t remind me of combat; instead, I’ve faced life-altering events that went unrecognized at the time.
PTSD symptoms may not surface immediately following a traumatic experience; they can appear months or even years later. My PTSD originates from events that I didn’t recognize as traumatic initially. These were not isolated incidents but rather a series of experiences that culminated in a chaotic situation over a decade before my diagnosis. Loud noises are a significant trigger for me, particularly raised voices.
If you’re on the phone, getting frustrated with your internet provider, and your voice rises, I might not react to your anger; I may react to my body, which associates any raised voice with past trauma. It’s not about you yelling at me; it’s about my body interpreting the situation as dangerous, even when it’s just an irritating conversation.
Coping with PTSD
There’s no universal approach to managing PTSD. What matters most is giving yourself permission to live well despite your trauma. This could mean confiding in a friend, seeking therapy, or using medication. Embrace whatever supports your well-being.
Self-care is vital for everyone, especially those living with PTSD. While bubble baths and pedicures are nice, self-care encompasses much more. It might involve setting boundaries and avoiding situations that trigger anxiety or flashbacks. If you find yourself reacting disproportionately or feeling on edge without reason, it’s okay to take a step back. Remember: self-care isn’t selfish.
Standing up for your needs can be challenging, which is why the support of loved ones is essential. Don’t hesitate to lean on those who care about you. If you’re in a relationship with someone dealing with PTSD, open communication about their triggers and how you can assist them in self-care is invaluable.
At its core, understanding and communication are what hold relationships together. It won’t always be easy, but it will always be worth it. You deserve love and support, just as much as the next person.
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- What is PTSD?
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Summary:
This article delves into the complexities of living with PTSD and its impact on personal relationships. It emphasizes the importance of self-care, understanding, and open communication for those affected by PTSD and their partners. The message is clear: while challenges exist, love and support can prevail.
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