People often enjoy discussing bucket lists, dreaming up adventures they want to experience before they “kick the bucket.” I’m guilty of it too; I’ve compiled my own list of grand aspirations for this one wild and precious life we have, as Mary Oliver so beautifully put it.
However, I’ve recently reevaluated the whole bucket list idea, and it no longer resonates with me. Instead of focusing on a traditional bucket list, I’ve shifted to a list of things I want to avoid regretting—what I like to call a no-regret list.
Now, this might sound a bit dreary or cynical. Some might even claim that living with “no regrets” is a goal on their bucket list. But let me clarify.
We all understand the typical bucket list filled with items like “see the Eiffel Tower” or “go scuba diving.” But how often do we actually check these off? Do they linger in our minds, reminding us of unfulfilled dreams as the years roll by? And when we do manage to tick something off, does it bring us profound satisfaction? Sometimes yes, but not always.
The issue, as I see it, is that we’ve misconstrued the purpose of bucket lists. As Lori Gottlieb wisely stated in her memoir, “Maybe You Should Talk to Someone,” we create these lists to fend off the reality of mortality more than to stave off regret. We fill them with exhilarating aspirations to give our lives meaning, rather than to genuinely pursue them.
“The longer our bucket lists are, the more time we imagine we have left to accomplish everything on them. But trimming that list down forces us to confront a sobering truth: Life has a 100 percent mortality rate.” Ouch. But it’s undeniably true.
I don’t want to spend my life compiling a list of things I might never achieve. I want to focus on what truly matters—both to me and to those around me. Therefore, I’ve embraced the idea of a regret list. Instead of pondering, “What do I want to do before I die?” I ask myself, “What will I regret not doing while I’m alive?”
For example, I have dreams of visiting places like Iceland, Thailand, and Russia, which would have once made it to my bucket list. But will I genuinely regret missing out on those trips? Probably not.
What I would regret, however, is not spending quality time with my family, not traveling to create lasting memories, or not making a positive impact in a child’s life. Those are the pursuits that would haunt me.
This isn’t to disparage bucket lists entirely. In fact, my own list could easily stretch on for miles given all my dreams. But that overwhelming size would likely paralyze me into inaction. I need to prioritize what truly matters. Thus, the no-regret list was born.
I refuse to hide behind a collection of hopeful aspirations; I want to actively engage in meaningful experiences. Focusing on potential regrets, however morbid that may sound, has proven to be the best motivator for me.
If you’re interested in exploring more about personal aspirations, you might enjoy reading this related post.
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In summary, I’ve shifted my focus from a traditional bucket list to a no-regret list, prioritizing what truly matters in life. Instead of simply dreaming of experiences, I want to engage in activities that will create meaningful memories and prevent regret.
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