People often enjoy discussing bucket lists, dreaming about all the experiences they want to have before they “kick the bucket.” I’m no different; I have my own list of aspirations for this one wild and precious life, as Mary Oliver beautifully put it. However, my perspective on bucket lists has shifted recently, and I no longer find them appealing. Instead, I’ve been curating a list of things I don’t want to regret.
I know this might sound a bit gloomy or negative. Some might even argue that having “no regrets” is a bucket list item in itself. But hear me out.
We all understand the typical bucket list concept, filled with thrilling goals like “visit the Grand Canyon” or “go skydiving.” But how often do we actually check these off our lists? Or do they just linger in our minds, reminding us of unfulfilled dreams as the years go by? And when we do accomplish something on our list, does it truly add meaning to our lives? Sometimes, but not always.
The issue, as I see it, is that we’ve been misinterpreting bucket lists. Lori Gottlieb points out in her memoir, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, that we often create these lists to stave off regret but, in truth, they primarily help us confront our mortality. This perspective resonated with me. We fill our lists with grand ambitions, seeking to enrich our lives, regardless of whether we ever experience them.
“The longer our bucket lists are, the more time we imagine we have left to accomplish everything on them.” Condensing the list forces us to confront a sobering reality: life is finite.
I don’t want to spend my life collecting items on a bucket list that may remain unchecked. Instead, I want to focus on actions that truly matter to me and those around me. So I’ve shifted my focus to a list of regrets—or more aptly, a no-regrets list. Instead of pondering, “What do I want to do before I die?” I now ask myself, “What will I regret not doing while I’m alive?”
For example, while visiting Iceland or Thailand sounds amazing, I probably won’t regret not going there. What I will regret is not spending quality time with family, traveling to meaningful places, or making a difference in a child’s life. Those are the moments I’ll cherish.
This isn’t to dismiss bucket lists entirely. I appreciate the idea so much that, if left unchecked, mine would stretch on for miles, filled with contradictory desires that could easily lead to overwhelm. Thus, focusing on what genuinely matters to me—my no-regrets list—has become essential.
I want to act on what truly counts rather than hide behind a list of hypothetical adventures. By contemplating the things I might regret—no matter how grim that sounds—I find clarity in how I want to live.
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