Self-acceptance. Self-care. Self-love. All of this can feel somewhat … selfish, can’t it? If you’re nodding along, my dear, you might benefit from a quick dive into the world of self-compassion.
I first encountered self-compassion during counseling. My therapist pointed out my tendency to prioritize everyone else’s well-being over my own. “But what about you?” she asked. “Who looks out for you? Do those around you consider how their words and actions affect you?” That was a bitter pill to swallow. It’s not that I don’t believe I’m deserving of care; it’s just that I’ve always prioritized others because… isn’t that what we’re supposed to do?
Here’s the truth: you can be a caretaker and still prioritize your own needs. Listen closely: love and support are not privileges you need to earn.
On some level, many of us might recognize this, but understanding it and putting it into practice can be a different story. I grappled with this especially due to my complicated relationship with food and my body. Often, my attempts to lose weight weren’t driven by a desire to feel better about myself, but rather by a wish to conform to societal standards. I wanted to look the way people expected, no matter how unrealistic those ideals were.
This led to a harsh inner dialogue. Trust me, the way I spoke to myself was dramatic, negative, and downright cruel. I would never dream of speaking to a sister or friend like that—let alone a stranger! My therapist’s insight after just a couple of sessions was the wake-up call I desperately needed. It ignited my journey toward self-compassion, and I want to share this with you because I know I’m not alone in this struggle. We all deserve more.
Understanding Self-Compassion and Self-Love
Self-compassion and self-love aren’t just trendy phrases; they are essential practices. I spoke with Mia Johnson, founder of Wellness Reflections, to gain fresh insights into what active self-love and compassion really entail.
“Self-love can sometimes seem so out of reach that starting feels daunting. Can you release the notion that you have to love yourself every single moment? It’s completely normal to have days filled with self-doubt or times when you just don’t feel your best. If self-love feels too far away, consider aiming for self-like,” she suggested.
Self-compassion and love is no fluff. In fact, it’s hard work. If you’ve made a habit of neglecting your own needs, breaking that cycle is easier said than done. Practicing self-compassion isn’t an automatic state of being; it’s an active choice. Mia frames it this way: “View self-compassion and self-love as actions you take to nurture yourself rather than as feelings you chase. Emotions ebb and flow, but we always have the power to act lovingly toward ourselves.”
Imagine how refreshing life would be if we treated ourselves with the same care we extend to others! Yet, how often have you scolded yourself for indulging in “bad” food? Would you ever question a close friend, “Are you sure you want to eat that?” Of course not! So, why do we allow ourselves that negativity?
Breaking the Cycle of Self-Criticism
You Are Worthy – No Matter What Your Inner Critic Says!
Yes, you heard right. Tell your inner critic to take a backseat. Make space for compassion and love, which means they need to go or at least shift to a role that uplifts you instead of tearing you down.
Mia recommends starting with small actions. Treat yourself like you would a close friend. It might be time to revisit the expectations you set for yourself. “Instead of waiting for the magical moment when you love yourself, can you act as though you love yourself right now? Each act of kindness and compassion will bring you closer to genuine self-love.”
To determine what these small acts of kindness should be, self-reflection is crucial. Ask yourself: Am I doing this because I want to, or to avoid disappointing someone else? How would I feel if I heard someone speak to my daughter with those words? If it would upset me, shouldn’t I feel just as uncomfortable directing them at myself?
Practicing self-compassion and love isn’t about shaming yourself into change; it’s about recognizing that you deserve compassion and love just as much as anyone else. Remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day, and transforming your inner dialogue won’t happen overnight. But with time and patience, you can and will get there. Embracing self-compassion may be tough, but it’s undeniably worthwhile.
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