When our children are young, they cling to us for comfort and security. We’re told to cherish these moments, but once they hit their teenage years, the narrative shifts dramatically. “They’ll seek more independence,” we hear. This holds true. My 14-year-old son, who was once the most attached baby, is now often retreating to his room or hanging out with friends, leaving me yearning for his attention.
“Can you leave my room?” has become his favorite phrase. I understand this distancing is a normal part of his development. While I’m thrilled he’s exploring friendships and carving his identity, I can’t help but feel a twinge of sadness. As a mom, I crave that sense of being needed. I never anticipated missing the feeling of being essential in his life as much as I do now.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Carter emphasizes that my emotions are valid and that my son does still rely on me, even if it doesn’t always seem that way. According to her, the presence of parents during late afternoons and dinner time can be incredibly beneficial for teens. She explains that simply being around—much like a potted plant—can offer support to our adolescents.
As we navigate this phase, it’s vital to recognize that our teens may not need us to engage in activities or play with toys; rather, they require our presence. This metaphor of being a “potted plant” resonates deeply. We’re there to observe and support, ready to respond when they seek us out.
A recent experience with my son underscored this concept. He participated in a theater production—his first significant social activity since virtual schooling began. For weeks, he was absorbed in rehearsals and hanging out with friends, barely responding to my inquiries. I wondered if he was pulling away, but I soon learned he still needed me. On the final night of the show, he called me to his room, wanting comfort and a late-night chat. It was a poignant reminder that, despite their independence, our teens still value our presence.
In conclusion, being a parent to a teenager is often about stepping back and allowing them the space they need to grow. However, they still appreciate knowing we are there for them, like a steady plant in their lives. With patience and understanding, we can support their journey of growth while ensuring they know we’re just a step away.
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Summary: Teens often prefer a parenting style reminiscent of a “potted plant,” where just being present is what they need. While they may seem distant, maintaining a supportive presence allows them to thrive.
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