Last year, my children were homeschooled, allowing us to enjoy leisurely mornings that often started around 9:00 a.m. This year, however, returning to an early school schedule was set to be quite a challenge—especially for my 15-year-old son, who is not a fan of mornings.
As the first day of school approached, I intended to enforce a strict bedtime and wake-up time. But then, I recalled a TikTok video featuring a psychologist suggesting that parents should treat their teens more like adults, encouraging them to make their own decisions rather than simply issuing commands.
Instead of dictating, I asked, “We need to leave at 7:45 tomorrow. When do you think you should wake up?” He pondered and replied with 7:00 a.m.
“Great! Based on that, what time do you think you should stop gaming to get enough sleep?” He proposed 10:30 p.m., and after reminding him of the importance of getting closer to nine hours of sleep, he adjusted it to 10:00 p.m.
No arguments, no complaints. For the first time, he crafted his own schedule, and it was a remarkable shift. To some, this may seem trivial, but for my son, who has ADHD and typically requires constant reminders, this was a breakthrough. Mornings used to be a struggle, with me having to nag him out of bed and push him to care about being on time.
What I’ve learned from the insightful psychologist is that my teenager won’t magically start taking initiative; I need to give it to him. After years of managing every little detail of our lives, I realized it was time to let him take control, especially with only a few years left before he flies the nest.
My role is no longer to dictate but to instill confidence in him, showing that I trust his ability to set and achieve his own goals. As relationship expert Sarah Green puts it, “When you focus on your teen, understanding what’s great about them, you empower them to create their own version of success.”
This newfound approach has illuminated my son’s face; he appreciates when I show faith in his decisions. It’s liberating for both of us, though it feels strange to step back after years of being in charge.
I’ve worked hard to help Lucas become a respectful member of our household and have high expectations for his behavior and academic efforts. While I was strict in his earlier years, it was because I believed in him even before he believed in himself. Now, he knows what he can achieve, and it’s time for me to stop micromanaging.
Instead of rattling off tasks when I notice him lagging in the mornings, I now ask, “What else do you need to do to make sure we leave on time?” This reframing encourages him to think critically about his responsibilities.
Letting go of control is challenging, especially after years of being hands-on. However, I recognize that I need to allow him the space to learn and grow, even if it means letting him stumble at times. He understands himself and his goals; it’s time for him to set his own rules.
Motivation, as noted by Sarah Green, doesn’t come from parental pressure but from helping them believe they can succeed on their own. It’s a lesson I’m still learning.
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In summary, allowing my ADHD teen to take control of his decisions has transformed our mornings and strengthened our relationship. By empowering him to create his own schedule, I’ve fostered his independence and demonstrated my trust in him.
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