Hello, I’m Jamie, and I have a chronic problem with being late. I find myself running behind for everything — meetings, phone calls, and even casual get-togethers with friends. I lag in sending birthday cards and responding to emails, and I’m often late picking up my kids from practice or taking food out of the oven.
Despite setting reminders and alarms, nothing seems to work. I genuinely try, yet I remain consistently tardy.
I grew up in an environment where punctuality was emphasized. My father, a long-time volunteer coach, instilled in me the belief that “if you’re five minutes early, you’re on time, and if you’re on time, you’re late.” Unfortunately, I’ve taken this to the next level — I’m not just a little late; I’m significantly late. Apologies, Dad.
To clarify, my lateness isn’t extreme; it’s usually just 5-10 minutes. Still, it drives my family up the wall. It’s frustrating for me too, as it makes me feel out of control while everyone else seems to manage their time perfectly.
Many believe that habitual lateness is a sign of selfishness or laziness, but that’s a misconception. Our brains operate differently. As reported by the BBC, psychology experts indicate that personality traits and even optimistic tendencies can contribute to chronic tardiness.
Philippa Perry noted in the Guardian, “Late people often have a sunny outlook.” We tend to overestimate how much we can fit into our schedules and underestimate travel times, especially when it comes to nearby locations.
For some of us, difficulty with transitions contributes to our lateness. Personally, I struggle immensely with shifting focus from one task to another. When I’m deeply engrossed in something, it’s nearly impossible to pivot to a different responsibility until it’s a last-minute scramble.
Time perception also plays a role. A study by Jeff Conte, a psychology professor at San Diego State University, revealed that individuals categorized as Type A often perceive a minute as lasting around 58 seconds, while Type B individuals estimate it at around 77 seconds. When I tried this myself, I estimated a minute at about 110 seconds, likely because I got sidetracked.
Additionally, anxiety and other mental health issues can lead to chronic lateness. As Harriet Mellotte, a cognitive behavioral therapist in London, explained, anxiety may cause some individuals to avoid certain situations, while low self-esteem can lead to delays in completing tasks. Depression may sap motivation and energy, making it harder to get moving.
For me, my chronic lateness stems from a combination of these factors. I tend to be overly optimistic about how much time I need — whether it’s for a commute, logging into a Zoom call, or finishing my current task. I always tell myself that a drive across town takes just 12 minutes, despite knowing it typically takes longer. Then I’m genuinely shocked when reality doesn’t align with my expectations. I also struggle with transitions and social anxiety, which contribute to my tardiness for meetings and social events.
Unfortunately, no amount of reasoning will lessen the frustration of those left waiting for us. While we can hope for understanding, it only stretches so far. Experts suggest that those of us who are habitually late should make a conscious effort to arrive on time. This includes setting multiple alarms, adjusting travel time estimates, and focusing on just one task at a time. My father’s advice from years ago might actually help: aiming to be early could lead to a more timely arrival.
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In summary, being perpetually late is often not a reflection of one’s character but rather a complex interplay of personality traits, anxiety, and time perception. While it can be frustrating for those waiting, understanding and strategies can help mitigate the issue.
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