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- No One Prepared Me for My Tween’s Emotional Turmoil
by Emily Turner
Aug. 23, 2021
Recently, I found my tween in the kitchen, dramatically slamming things down and exhaling loudly. After rolling my eyes, I calmly asked, “What’s wrong?” (though my tone was probably a bit forced). The issue? His prized mechanical pencil, which apparently holds significant value, was out of lead. I did my best to suppress any sarcasm and suggested, “Why not just refill it?”
That’s when the storm truly hit. It turned out we were out of mechanical pencil lead, and in his mind, that meant disaster had struck. My tween unleashed a torrent of frustration, claiming he hated everyone and everything.
I offered a simple solution: I’d ensure we included pencil lead in our next online shopping order. You’d think that would bring some relief, but instead, it led to another explosion. Whether it was hormones, anxiety, a sense of entitlement, exhaustion, or a mix of it all, I wish someone had warned me about how emotionally unpredictable tweens can be.
Let’s cut to the chase. If you don’t have a tween yet but know you will soon, brace yourself. Everything is difficult for tweens. And if you’re already navigating this phase, like me, you might feel a bit resentful that no one warned us that the real challenge comes before the teenage years.
Tweens, typically aged between eight to twelve, are in a unique and tumultuous phase. One moment they’re playing with a toy they’ve ignored for ages, and the next, they’re demanding more independence, more possessions, more everything. Yet, they can easily become overwhelmed and break down over the smallest inconveniences—like an empty mechanical pencil.
You can’t reason with a tween. We have countless pencils at home, including other mechanical ones with lead. Yet the idea of switching lead from one pencil to another is simply too much for them.
Tweens are on an emotional roller coaster as they navigate the first stages of puberty. Their minds and bodies are in a constant state of flux, making it hard for them to process even basic tasks they once mastered as toddlers. One moment they’re completely zoned out, and the next, they’re flipping out over something trivial.
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve asked my tween, “Why did you do that?” Whether it’s wearing boots in August or arguing with a much younger sibling, the answer is often elusive. When I ask “why,” I’ve come to realize it’s usually a pointless question—they genuinely don’t know.
The tween years are certainly no joke. So, what can we do about it? We could respond with sarcasm, yelling, or punishment, but from what I’ve learned, that’s not effective. You can’t rush a child’s brain development through punishment. Sarcasm often feels like teasing and only escalates their frustration, which is counterproductive.
Firstly, it’s vital to understand that tweens are just that—tweens. They’re not little adults, and they’re not equipped to handle adult emotions or situations. They’re in a confusing and inconsistent period of life. The sooner we recognize that they’re likely struggling, the better we can support them.
I’ve also found it helpful to reassure my tween that their feelings and experiences are completely normal. When I expressed this to him, he was genuinely surprised. Tweens are aware of the chaos within them and need affirmation that their struggles are part of a common developmental phase.
Creating lists for tasks they find challenging has been another effective strategy. Tweens often miss half of what you say, so a simple checklist can help. Placing it somewhere visible, like on the bathroom mirror, increases the likelihood that they’ll remember it. Also, preparing things in advance—like laying out clothes and organizing school supplies the night before—can alleviate morning stress.
Instead of punishment, I focus on rewards. For instance, when my tween struggles to save money, we incentivized him. If he saves his allowance for two months, we’ll add a little extra to his savings. This approach has been promising.
Even though tweens may seem like they’re testing boundaries, they require clear and consistent limits. I’ve observed that children without established rules often act out as they seek attention they’re missing elsewhere. Setting boundaries can foster their success, provided they receive the necessary support.
Remember, our tweens are still developing. They lack the ability to manage every situation independently, even the obvious ones.
Parents, your tweens need you, even when they act like you’re the biggest nuisance in their lives. These years are a prime opportunity for dialogue, allowing them to express themselves and seek assistance when things feel overwhelming. Sometimes, they just need an outlet for their emotions.
Lastly, think outside the box when it comes to communication. If you have a tween, you’re familiar with their non-verbal cues like grunts or eye rolls. I’ve found that playful communication, whether through writing or casual conversations during relaxed moments, can lead to more productive discussions. Don’t wait for an issue to arise; ask open-ended questions about their interests to connect with them.
Despite our best efforts, there will be challenging days for our tweens. While I sometimes feel like disengaging during their emotional storms, I recognize that these tween years serve as a training ground for both them and us. It’s crucial to remain engaged and supportive for the sake of our relationship.
For more insights, check out this related article on Home Insemination Kit. If you’re looking for expert information, Make A Mom is a great authority on this topic as well. Additionally, Healthline offers excellent resources regarding pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
The emotional unpredictability of tweens can catch parents off guard, as they navigate a confusing phase between childhood and adolescence. Understanding their struggles and maintaining open communication is essential. Creating lists, rewarding positive behavior, and setting clear boundaries can help support them through this tumultuous time.
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