My oldest daughter, who is 6, is experiencing intense separation anxiety. She had it as a toddler but seemed to overcome it around age 4. However, the last 18 months have been incredibly challenging for everyone, including her. I noticed her anxiety resurfacing last winter, and while I hoped it would ease as we returned to outdoor activities and socializing, that hasn’t been the case. I can’t go to the store, take a walk, or even use the bathroom without her panicking about my absence. I typically take her along for errands, but with the rise of delta variant cases, I’m reluctant to do so unnecessarily.
Bedtime has become particularly difficult. She often cries to the point of trembling, expressing fear of going to sleep—she mentions monsters, but I suspect there’s more to it. She wishes to sleep with me, and while we usually don’t allow that, we sometimes make exceptions on weekends. My husband and I try to be as patient as possible, avoiding shame or anger, but I’m seeking additional strategies to manage this without losing my sanity. She’s set to start in-person school in a couple of weeks, and I’m hopeful that might help her, as she is naturally an outgoing child who enjoys playing with others.
Understanding Separation Anxiety
Oh, dear parent. That sounds incredibly overwhelming for both you and your daughter. While you don’t specify if she’s been directly impacted by the virus, it seems likely she’s picking up on the anxiety in your household and the broader world. Children her age are perceptive enough to understand that many people are ill and that the pandemic has dragged on for a long time. It’s completely normal for her to feel anxious given these circumstances.
Research shows that separation anxiety has surged in children during COVID, as many have been confined at home and away from their usual routines and friends. Your daughter likely clings to you for comfort and security. Here are some suggestions:
Strategies for Managing Separation Anxiety
- Prepare her in advance: Before leaving for errands, instead of simply saying, “Mommy’s going to the store,” try saying, “Mommy’s going to the store, then I’ll drop off a letter at the post office, and after that, I’ll be home so we can play in the backyard and enjoy a snack together.” This approach gives her a clear idea of what to expect and something to look forward to while you’re away.
- Maintain a consistent bedtime routine: A straightforward sequence of brushing teeth, washing up, putting on pajamas, and reading a book can help her know what comes next. When it’s time for her to lie down, consider reciting a bedtime affirmation together. Here’s a blog that offers many affirmations that can help boost her confidence as she prepares for sleep.
I believe you’ll see improvement once she gets into a school routine, especially since she enjoys socializing and making new friends. While this school year may come with its own anxieties, she is likely to thrive in that environment. Implement these strategies and work towards establishing a routine, and hopefully, you’ll find relief for both your daughter and your sanity. You’re doing an amazing job, truly.
Additional Resources
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Summary
A mother is struggling with her 6-year-old daughter’s separation anxiety that has resurfaced after the pandemic. Despite her daughter being outgoing and social, anxiety prevents her from feeling secure when away from her mother. Suggestions include preparing her for outings, maintaining a bedtime routine, and using affirmations to ease her fears. With the start of school approaching, there is hope for improvement.
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