The other day, my tween was sulking in the kitchen, dramatically slamming things down and letting out loud sighs. I tried to remain calm as I asked, “What’s wrong?” (though my tone may have hinted otherwise). The source of his distress? His beloved mechanical pencil—apparently a crucial item—had run out of lead. I took a deep breath to suppress any sarcasm and suggested, “Can’t you just refill it?”
This suggestion set off a meltdown. Suddenly, the universe was collapsing because we had no mechanical pencil lead, and in his view, he despised everyone and everything around him.
I attempted to provide a straightforward solution: the next time we placed a store order for a drive-up pickup, I would ensure we got more lead. You would think this would bring about some relief, but instead, it triggered another explosion of emotion. I’m not sure if it was hormones, anxiety, entitlement, fatigue, or a mix of all these factors, but I wish someone had warned me about how emotionally unpredictable tweens can be.
Brace Yourself for the Tween Years
Let’s get straight to the point. If you don’t have a tween yet but know you will soon, brace yourself. Here’s a simple truth: everything is challenging for tweens. If you’re already navigating the tween years, like me, you might feel a bit frustrated that no one told us to worry about this stage instead of just the teen years. The tween phase comes first, and it’s anything but easy.
Tweens are typically defined as kids ages 8 to 12. This period is intense. One moment, they’re still playing with toys, and the next, they are demanding more responsibilities, possessions, and freedom—more, more, more! Yet, they can also break down over the smallest issues. Take, for example, the fatal crisis of an empty mechanical pencil.
Reasoning with a tween is nearly impossible. We have hundreds of pencils lying around, including other mechanical ones with lead. But transferring lead from one pencil to another? Apparently, that’s too much to ask.
The Emotional Roller Coaster
Tweens ride an emotional roller coaster during the early stages of puberty. Their mental and physical developments often fall out of sync. They can suddenly forget the simplest tasks they once mastered as toddlers. One moment they’re attentive, and the next, they’re losing it over something trivial.
I’ve lost count of how often I’ve asked my tween, “Why did you do that?”—like wearing boots to school on a hot August day or arguing with their younger sibling. It turns out asking “why” is pointless; they genuinely have no idea why they act the way they do and often deny doing anything wrong. Some of that denial may stem from embarrassment, but I suspect that, more often than not, they genuinely don’t realize their behavior.
What Can We Do?
The tween years can be daunting, so what can we do about it? We might feel tempted to respond with sarcasm, yelling, or punishment, but experience has taught me that these reactions yield little benefit. You can’t rush brain development through punishment, and sarcasm tends to backfire, further aggravating the situation.
First and foremost, it’s essential to recognize that tweens are going through a completely normal and chaotic phase of life. They are not miniature adults. They are still figuring out their identities while grappling with confusing emotions. The sooner we, as parents, can maintain our composure and support them rather than fight against their mood swings, the better.
One helpful approach has been reassuring my tween that their feelings are entirely normal. When I shared this with him, he responded with a surprised, “Really?” He wasn’t being sarcastic; he understood there was a lot happening inside him and needed reassurance that this was a typical phase of life.
I’ve also started making lists of tasks that my tween tends to struggle with. Tweens often don’t absorb half of what we say, no matter how many times we repeat it. Lists can be incredibly helpful for those who lack executive functioning skills. For example, posting a list on the bathroom mirror can encourage them to complete their tasks. Preparing in advance, like laying out clothes and charging devices the night before, can also reduce morning chaos.
Next, consider rewarding rather than punishing. Help your tween set and achieve goals. For instance, our tween has a hard time saving money and often gets frustrated when he lacks enough cash for what he wants. We decided to incentivize him: if he saves his allowance for two months, we would chip in some extra funds. So far, this strategy has worked well.
Despite their sometimes rebellious behavior, tweens need clear and consistent boundaries. One of my son’s classmates comes from a home with minimal rules, resulting in behavioral chaos. Such kids often push boundaries, not out of defiance but as a cry for the guidance they lack. Establishing solid boundaries can set children up for success, provided they have proper support.
Remember, tweens aren’t teens or adults; they don’t have the cognitive abilities to navigate everything independently. Even seemingly simple situations can be bewildering for them.
Communication is Key
Parents, your tween needs your help—even when they act like you’re the most embarrassing person on the planet. Use this time to communicate, listen, and offer guidance when situations become overwhelming. Sometimes, they just want to vent, and that’s perfectly okay.
Finally, be creative in your communication. If you’ve had a tween, you know the power of a grunt, a shrug, or an eye roll. I’ve found that playful communication—whether through writing, texting, or casual chats while lying in bed—can lead to more productive conversations than confrontations. The more relaxed both of you are, the better the dialogue will flow. Don’t wait for a problem to arise; ask open-ended questions that engage their interests and step into their world.
Even with all the right strategies, there will be tough days. Navigating the emotional storms of tweenhood is part of their growth journey. As challenging as it can be, I recognize that these tween years are a precursor to the teenage experience for both my child and myself. We need to remain present and engaged for the sake of our relationship.
Further Resources
For further insights, check out this resource on fertility and pregnancy, or explore more on home insemination strategies. If you’re looking for a reliable option, consider this artificial insemination kit for your needs.
Summary
Parenting a tween can be unexpectedly challenging, as their emotional responses can be intense and unpredictable. It’s essential to approach their behavior with understanding, patience, and creativity. Establishing boundaries, rewarding positive behavior, and maintaining open lines of communication can help both parents and tweens navigate this tumultuous phase together.
Leave a Reply