Why I Tell My Kids That School Is Not 'Real Life' - intracervicalinseminationsyringe

Every morning, as I prepare to send my children off to elementary school, I share a set of encouraging words with them. I express my love, remind them to submit their assignments, and stress the importance of kindness. Then, I add a phrase I wish I had heard at their age: “Do your best, but remember, school is not real life!” I want them to understand that as long as they put forth genuine effort and treat others well, there won’t be any repercussions at home for school-related issues. This is a deliberate choice on my part.

Looking back, I wish I had grasped that school isn’t the entirety of life. Take, for instance, a moment from my fifth-grade experience: I forgot to submit a Bible assignment at my Southern Baptist private school. By the time I realized it, my teacher had already declared it too late for submission, resulting in a zero. This brought my report card grade down to an 84, which was a C in my school—a grade I had never received before.

At just ten years old, I had already molded myself into the “smart girl” persona, as I believed that my intelligence would compensate for my insecurities about my appearance. My parents had high expectations, and while they praised my achievements, I felt immense pressure to maintain my status as the “good kid” who never faltered.

The night before report cards were to be sent home, I lay in bed, anxious and fearful. Once I heard my parents asleep, I let my tears flow, overwhelmed with nerves to the point of needing to run to the bathroom. When I finally faced my mom with my report card, she assumed my distress stemmed from something more severe than grades. Upon discovering it was just about a C, she offered no comfort—just a reminder to do better next time. And I did. I didn’t receive another C until 11th grade.

My oldest son is a mirror image of me. He is intelligent, kind, and, like me, prone to anxiety and self-imposed pressure. When I see him getting distressed over school-related matters, I’m transported back to my own childhood struggles with anxiety. I wish I could go back and show my younger self that talking to my parents could have helped me. I lacked the vocabulary to articulate my feelings, nor did I realize that my constant state of anxiety wasn’t normal.

While I can’t change my past, I can ensure my children don’t experience the same hardships. That’s why I emphasize that school is not the entirety of life. This doesn’t mean I downplay its importance. If they express concerns about school, I take them seriously. Their feelings are valid, and I don’t use my mantra to belittle their experiences.

My children understand my expectations: they should behave, follow instructions, and give their best effort on assignments. If they are unkind or refuse to try, I will be disappointed. However, I reassure them that once they’ve put forth their best effort, I’m not concerned about the results. If they struggle with a subject, we will address it together when it arises, and I am more than willing to find the resources they need to succeed.

A bad grade won’t impact our home life. I won’t express disappointment at the dinner table if they struggle with a specific topic. They need to know that not everyone excels in every subject. For instance, my spouse thrives in military finance but would struggle with creative writing, while I would falter at balancing a budget.

My children will discover their passions, and once their mandated schooling concludes, they’ll be free to explore their interests, engaging more with what they love and less with what they don’t. I want them to understand that school is merely a job for now. They’re there to absorb a bit of everything, hoping to find what resonates with them in the future.

As they walk through our front door, they are greeted by a sign that reads, “Take a deep breath. You’re home now.” This message is a reminder that home is a place of comfort, love, and acceptance—a sanctuary where they can relax and be themselves without the pressures of school. Here, they are cherished for who they are, not for their academic performance.

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Summary

The author reflects on their childhood experiences with anxiety tied to academic performance and emphasizes the importance of teaching children that school is not the entirety of life. They advocate for a supportive home environment that values effort over grades, allowing children to feel safe and accepted.