As a parent, there are few things more unsettling than hearing a teacher say, “Can we chat for a moment… in private?” The moment I heard those words, my heart sank. My son, Oliver, was in the supervised playroom while I was ushered outside by his preschool teacher. Other parents and their little ones walked by, engaged in cheerful conversations, while I anxiously leaned against the wall, feeling isolated and tense.
“There was a biting incident today,” the teacher explained, her sympathetic expression indicating that Oliver was the one involved. I stood there speechless, flustered and embarrassed. My youngest child had crossed a line that I had never encountered with my other kids. In that moment, I realized that my feelings of humiliation were more profound than simply witnessing a public tantrum. What I was grappling with was a deep sense of shame.
How could I be the parent of a child who bites? What had I done wrong?
There are instances in parenting that can make you feel like all your previous efforts have been overshadowed by a single misstep from your child. The preschool years come with their own unique “unthinkables,” and biting is certainly one of the most daunting. Despite Oliver being polite, loving, and even good at sharing, this incident would forever brand him as “The Biter,” and me as “The Biter’s Mom.”
When our children misbehave, we often internalize their actions as reflections of our own parenting skills. A forgotten “thank you,” a hurtful comment, or a bite can lead us to question our effectiveness as parents. Like many families, I strive to instill good behavior in my children, yet they can still act out in ways that surprise me.
As an experienced parent, I understand that such behavior usually signals difficulty in managing emotions or testing boundaries. Toddlers are navigating a complex world filled with language development, social interactions, and emotional regulation. It’s no wonder that some days, they might resort to physical expressions of frustration. According to the American Psychological Association, biting is a common developmental behavior in children aged three and younger.
While this information provides a rational explanation, it does little to ease the embarrassment I felt, nor does it alleviate the concerns of the other child’s mother. Social norms dictate that we expect children, even the youngest, to behave like well-mannered individuals rather than chaotic creatures. Unfortunately, preschoolers often exhibit behavior that resembles more of a wild animal than a civilized human.
Eventually, I gathered my composure and offered an apology to the teacher. I explained that we actively encourage our children to use words for communication. It was important for me to convey that Oliver is not inherently unkind. I cautiously asked for details about the incident, eager to defend both him and myself.
The teacher recounted how, during a line-up, another child accidentally pushed Oliver, causing him to stumble, which led to a chain reaction of frustration. In that moment, he reacted impulsively, resorting to biting as a means of expression.
While there was a reason behind his actions, it didn’t excuse the behavior or erase the shame I felt. When I returned to the classroom, Oliver was building a tower of blocks, joyfully clapping for each piece he added. “Mama!” he exclaimed, burying his face in my leg. “I was so sad today.”
“I know you were, sweetheart,” I replied, stroking his hair. Although I felt guilty about his actions, I wanted to shield him from my feelings of shame. Oliver is simply a 2-year-old, navigating his identity and learning through trial and error. My role as a parent is to guide him with compassion and support his growth in making better choices.
As I prepared to reach out to the other child’s mother, I hoped for her understanding. A little empathy from a fellow parent can make a world of difference in easing our own burdens.
For more resources on parenting and navigating these challenges, check out this link. Understanding child behavior can also be beneficial, so consider visiting this resource for excellent information on emotional development in children. If you’re exploring options for family planning, you can find helpful tools at this site.
In summary, dealing with a biting incident can evoke feelings of shame and confusion for parents. It’s essential to remember that such behavior is often a part of typical development, and finding a supportive community can help ease the emotional weight. By approaching these situations with understanding and patience, we can guide our children through their emotional growth.
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