It’s Saturday morning, and I’m savoring a hefty sandwich while overhearing a discussion at a nearby table. Egg and cheese are dripping from my fingers, and as I contemplate reaching for a mountain of napkins or perhaps a fork, I catch some unsettling news.
Someone’s high-end power washer was stolen from her open garage. Her companions express sympathy and offer prayers. I find myself rolling my eyes. Don’t these people have real issues?
Unfortunately, my judgment isn’t reserved for strangers. There are moments when a friend or family member shares their struggles, and I catch myself silently critiquing them. A lost tournament, a disappointing grade, or a house problem caused by an overly ambitious mole. A missed promotion, a beloved pet’s passing, or a poorly executed root canal. Sure, these are setbacks, but when devastation appears where mild disappointment would suffice, I can’t help but don my judge’s robe.
This tendency for judgment grew stronger after my daughter was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis. One day, I was just another stressed parent dealing with work. The next, a doctor was sharing statistics that would forever alter our family’s perspective.
Do any other parents relate? “Your child has to wear a mask to school? Get over it. My child has cancer.” Mic drop.
But if my inclination to compare has taught me anything, it’s that things can always be worse. I despise that COVID has stretched into yet another school year, but my kids are fortunate to have dedicated teachers. What about those girls in Afghanistan whose educational dreams have been dashed?
My mother is battling cancer and time is not on our side, yet she has enjoyed 79 years filled with joy and love. What about the local teens who lost their lives to a drunk driver?
My daughter navigates life with cystic fibrosis, yet she reads like a champion and zips down the track with delight. What about friends who have lost children? Or those who would give anything to have a child?
While this perspective can foster gratitude, it can also prevent us from fully experiencing our own emotions—frustration, sadness, despair, and grief. All of these feelings are legitimate and deserve acknowledgment. If we cannot face and accept these emotions when they arise, how can we process them effectively?
This mindset can also create emotional distance. When I measure a loved one’s struggles against my own, I dismiss the universal experience of suffering and fail to listen with empathy. I rob both myself and my loved one of the chance to connect meaningfully.
There is no universal metric for sorrow. What may seem minor to one could be a significant hurdle for another. This isn’t the Grief Olympics. Sometimes, we just need to hear, “That sounds tough, and I’m here for you.”
I’m working on setting aside my measuring scale. When someone shares a challenge, I’m focusing on recognizing the judgments that rush into my mind. Some are valid; others, not so much. Often, there’s an “It could be worse” thought creeping in.
But that’s okay. The more I become aware of my tendency to compare, the more I can loosen its grip on me. Ultimately, this allows me to return to what matters most: loving myself, caring for others, and accepting love in return.
For more insights, check out this other blog post on related topics. If you’re exploring home insemination options, Make a Mom offers excellent resources. Additionally, Resolve provides valuable information on pregnancy and insemination methods.
Search Queries:
- home insemination kit
- home insemination syringe
- self insemination
- cystic fibrosis support
- grief and loss resources
In summary, it’s crucial to remember that we all face different challenges and experiences. Our struggles are valid, and comparing them only dilutes our ability to connect with one another authentically. Embracing our emotions, rather than measuring them, fosters compassion and understanding.
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