For nearly three decades, I’ve been navigating the ups and downs of acne. My skin falls somewhere in between the severe cases — those painful, inflamed cystic breakouts — and the milder occurrences that typically align with menstrual cycles. My acne is noticeable, but not enough to elicit an “Oh, no!” reaction. Basically, it’s the kind that prompts clear-skinned individuals to share their skincare secrets with me.
I appreciate the concern, and I’ve tried it all. I’ve followed the skincare routines of my flawless-skinned friends, desperately trying to mimic their methods for that coveted clear complexion. I’ve experimented with salicylic acid washes, gentle cleansers, and every over-the-counter topical treatment available. I’ve used benzoyl peroxide (which helped clear my skin but left me with dryness and wrinkles). I’ve gone through the “purging” phase, believing that some products make your skin worse before it gets better. I’ve hydrated endlessly, cut out dairy, gluten, and sugar—one at a time and all at once. I’ve always opted for non-comedogenic moisturizers and splurged on expensive serums with hyaluronic acid.
I’ve given everything a fair chance, except for Accutane. Yet, aside from a few months during my pregnancies and a stint on hormonal birth control, I’ve consistently had breakouts. There are times when my skin is so problematic that it truly warrants a “yikes.” I keep cringe-worthy photos on my phone as a reminder of those days.
Currently, my acne is somewhat managed thanks to two prescription topical medications — Aczone and tretinoin (Retin-A). While I still experience regular breakouts, they are less severe compared to when I’m not on these medications, and at least they’re not inflamed. However, when a change in my insurance forced me to ration my prescriptions, my skin retaliated fiercely.
Recently, I stumbled upon a TikTok video that offered me a sense of validation I hadn’t felt before. In Dr. Chouake’s commentary, he points out that those of us with acne often internalize feelings of guilt, believing we’re somehow at fault for our skin issues. Clear-skinned friends genuinely want to help and are convinced their regimen will work for us. But here’s the truth: when those routines yield minimal results, it’s easy to blame ourselves for not adhering perfectly or missing something essential. As Dr. Chouake explains, “Acne is an inflammatory disease of the skin, and it’s not your fault. It’s nothing that you’re doing.”
This was the reassurance I needed, and perhaps you do too. When I receive unsolicited advice from individuals with clear skin, I feel a familiar frustration, akin to when someone who found breastfeeding easy tries to give me tips, or when someone with a neurotypical child offers parenting advice for my ADHD kid. If you haven’t personally experienced it — or if you’re not a dermatologist — you simply cannot know.
Adding to the pressure is the guilt that comes with caring about one’s appearance. Who wants to be deemed “superficial” for wanting clear skin? I love my skin, acne and all! Yet, I’m expected to embrace the angry red marks marring my face or to remind myself that there are far worse problems in the world. I genuinely applaud those who can accept their acne without a second thought. More power to you.
For me, however, dealing with acne is frustrating. I tell myself there are bigger issues out there, and while that’s true, I still find it maddening. Why can’t my skin just cooperate?
What I’m finally coming to terms with is that my skincare routine isn’t the root of the problem. I simply have acne — my skin is fundamentally different from those who don’t struggle with it. My sister can sleep in her makeup and wake up with flawless skin, while I can meticulously follow a twice-daily skincare routine and still have at least ten pimples on my face.
It’s completely valid for me to desire clear skin. I’m entitled to wish for my skin to be free of red, irritated spots. I’m allowed to want that, no doubt about it.
Lately, I’ve been considering a course of isotretinoin (formerly known as Accutane). It’s a potent medication with significant — sometimes lasting — side effects, but it’s the only option I haven’t explored yet. For many, it offers a permanent solution to acne.
I would love to experience what it’s like to have clear skin, to not worry about red marks constantly appearing on my face.
So, if you’re battling stubborn acne and wish to overcome it, remember two things: 1) It’s not your fault, and 2) Consult a dermatologist. Your acne is likely not due to anything you’ve done or haven’t done. The expensive serums that work wonders for your clear-skinned friends probably won’t do the trick for you. Your skin is inherently different, and seeking expert guidance is crucial. Don’t hesitate to ask for help.
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Summary
Acne is often misunderstood; it’s not typically due to personal care habits but rather an inflammatory skin condition. Many individuals feel guilt and pressure over their skin issues, but it’s crucial to recognize that these struggles are not their fault. Consulting a dermatologist is key, and seeking treatment options like isotretinoin may provide long-term relief.

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