Updated: Aug. 27, 2021
Originally Published: Aug. 27, 2021
After an evening away for a minor surgery, I returned home to a scene that made my heart sink. There on a stool were dirty socks, surrounded by several large shoes scattered around the kitchen. The countertop was cluttered with the blender and air fryer, both sticky with remnants, while the sink overflowed with dirty dishes.
Before my hospital visit, I had taken the time to clean, run the dishwasher, and catch up on laundry to make sure things were in order during my recovery. Clearly, I was naive to think my son would put the clean dishes away and load the dirty ones into the dishwasher while I was away. The throw pillows from the couch were on the floor (I can only guess what led to that), and a small pile of his gym clothes lay on the dining room table.
When he eventually came downstairs, he barely acknowledged my presence. No inquiries about my surgery, just a quick announcement of his plans for the day before he dashed out, music blaring. I felt a surge of frustration and wanted to chase after him, demanding to know how he could be so inconsiderate. My partner even offered to do it for me, but I opted to address my son’s behavior later.
Things shifted when my other two children returned home, greeted me warmly, and asked how they could assist. I later spoke with my older son, and even his father had a word with him. He apologized and promised to do better, asking after my well-being.
This experience reminded me that despite being 18, there’s still work to be done on both our parts. He can be incredibly self-absorbed and absentminded, often so wrapped up in his own life that he seems completely oblivious to the needs of others. Six years into puberty, this once thoughtful child, who used to be acutely aware of the emotions of those around him, has become increasingly distant.
To many, including myself at times, he comes across as an inconsiderate person. He’s often quiet, short with others, and seems to “forget” when someone is struggling. While it’s an understatement to say he lacks compassion, I’ve noticed that shaming him for his behavior seems to affect him deeply; he becomes quiet and embarrassed, making an effort to amend his behavior—at least for a while—before slipping back into his own world.
As he approaches adulthood, I sometimes feel overwhelmed. I watch him ignore his brother needing help with a door, fail to wish his siblings “Happy Birthday,” or bump into someone in public without offering an apology. Yet, I refuse to give up. As his mother, it’s my responsibility to guide him away from inconsiderate behavior. This means constant reminders, in-depth discussions, and helping him understand that the world extends far beyond his immediate plans.
This is no easy task. I often wonder where I went wrong and question if my parenting choices may have contributed to his selfishness. While I can’t control his every move—especially as he nears adulthood—I will persist in fostering empathy and kindness within him, no matter how long it takes.
Most parents would likely agree that the ultimate goal is to raise a kind and compassionate child. To those of you grappling with similar challenges, I see you. This journey is undoubtedly one of the toughest I have ever encountered.
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For more on this topic, consider these queries:
- How can I teach my child empathy?
- What are the signs of a self-absorbed teenager?
- Tips for effective parenting during adolescence
- How to talk to your kids about kindness
- Strategies for raising considerate children
In summary, parenting through these challenging years is a continuous effort that requires patience, understanding, and a commitment to nurturing kindness in our children. We must remember that while the journey can be tough, the end goal of raising empathetic and considerate individuals is worth every struggle.
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