Every mother who has heard the phrase “Hey Mom, can we chat?” knows that it often precedes a significant and possibly challenging conversation. It’s a cue to prepare for something important. When my son, Ethan, stepped into my room during his study break, I realized he needed my undivided attention.
“Mom, there’s something I need to share with you. For the last year, I’ve been feeling really down. I recently spoke with Ms. Parker at school, and she urged me to talk to you and Dad. She believes you both can help me, and I truly need that help.”
To say I was taken aback would be an understatement. I expected him to express concerns about finals or senior year stress — not this.
I am familiar with adult depression: the inability to get out of bed, losing interest in activities, and feelings of sadness or anger. Yet, none of these signs matched Ethan’s outward behavior. I often heard him laughing at videos or engaging with friends and sports, seemingly thriving.
In that moment, I wanted to argue, “You’re not depressed! I hear you laughing and being social every day.” But I didn’t realize that teenage depression can present itself differently, often as numbness or disconnection, even when they appear fine on the surface.
Understanding the gravity of the situation, I carefully chose my words: “I’m deeply sorry you’re feeling this way, but I’m truly grateful you confided in me. Thank you for trusting me. I promise that Dad and I will support you — you are not alone. Please, share more with me.”
What followed was an open dialogue where Ethan expressed his feelings and struggles. I thought I knew him well, but he had kept this pain hidden, whether intentionally or not.
He articulated his thoughts clearly, asking for help. We discussed seeing a therapist I knew, and I offered to reach out to Ms. Parker to thank her for her support. The relief on his face was palpable as he realized he no longer had to bear this burden alone.
When his dad returned home, Ethan filled him in, and we made plans to seek help together. Over the coming months, we consulted professionals, and I immersed myself in research to understand his condition better. It was challenging not to check in constantly, but I wanted to respect his space.
Slowly but surely, things began to improve.
There were many tears shed — tears for the struggles he faced alone, for my ignorance, and for the potential tragedy that could have unfolded if he hadn’t reached out. I was especially grateful to Ms. Parker, who played a pivotal role in encouraging him to share his feelings.
During college orientation, Ethan participated in an exercise called Dear World, where students share their stories. In a powerful moment, he sent me a photo with “I CAN FEEL THE DAYLIGHT” written on his arm, signifying his journey towards healing.
Seeing this made me emotional; it was a testament to his bravery and resilience. He expressed a desire to share his story to help others, and I agreed to write about it.
What We’ve Learned
Here’s what we’ve learned: it’s vital to discuss depression and anxiety openly, encourage sharing, and listen for signs of struggle. Talk about ways to manage stress, and reassure them that help is always available.
And please, share Ethan’s story and ask if they’ve ever felt numb or overwhelmed by darkness. Research indicates that discussing these feelings doesn’t exacerbate them; rather, it helps bring them to light and prompts the first steps toward healing.
“Hey Mom, can we chat?”
“Always, day or night…”
For more insights on parenting and mental health, check out this other blog post.
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Summary:
This article shares a mother’s journey after her son confides in her about his struggles with depression. It highlights the importance of open communication, seeking help, and understanding that mental health issues can manifest differently in teens. The mother recounts her initial shock and the steps they took together towards healing, underscoring the necessity of discussing mental health openly.
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