“Mom, can we talk?”
Every mother recognizes that these four words often precede a significant and potentially tough conversation with their child. When my son entered my room during a break from studying for his junior year finals, I sensed that he needed my undivided attention.
“Mom, there’s something I need to share with you. For the past year, I’ve been dealing with depression—serious depression. Recently, I’ve been speaking with Mr. Adams at school (a teacher we both admire), and they encouraged me to talk to you and Dad. In fact, today they insisted. They said you would listen, and that you are the only ones who can help me—I need help.”
To say I was taken aback would be an understatement. I had anticipated something related to stress over finals or anxiety about college applications, but this was beyond my expectations.
I am familiar with adult depression—feeling lethargic, disinterested in activities, and being unable to rise from bed—but none of that seemed to describe my son. I could hear him laughing at videos from my office across the hall; he was socializing with friends, engaging in sports, and attending theater rehearsals, all while waking up early each day.
A flood of thoughts rushed through my mind. I wanted to say, “You’re not depressed, I hear you laughing! You’re not withdrawn; we talk and joke together all the time!” What I didn’t realize then was that teenage depression can manifest differently—it can appear as numbness or a sense of darkness that they struggle to understand, even if they seem fine on the outside.
What I did recognize was the seriousness of the moment. This conversation was evidently challenging for him. My husband was coaching a lacrosse game, so it was up to me to navigate this critical situation.
I couldn’t shake the memory of a friend’s child who had tragically taken his own life. A bright boy who was well-loved, he had been cheerful just hours before his death. The shock of that news haunted me, and it pushed me to listen carefully to what my son was sharing.
I realized that my cheerful son might be concealing a much darker inner struggle. I knew my response was crucial, so I chose my words intentionally: “I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, but I’m grateful you chose to tell me. Thank you for trusting me. I promise that Dad and I are here to help—you are not alone. Please, share more about what you’re going through.”
While I’m not sure if my words were perfect, they seemed to provide the comfort he needed. What followed was an open and honest discussion, revealing emotions and experiences I had never anticipated. I felt blindsided by the depth of his struggles, which he had hidden so well.
That night, he articulated his feelings clearly and requested help. We discussed options, including seeing a therapist I knew, and he agreed to visit his doctor for a medication evaluation. I also asked if I could thank Mr. Adams for his support. I assured him we would be there for him throughout this journey.
Gradually, he seemed lighter, as if a tremendous weight had lifted. When my husband returned, our son filled him in, and we began to formulate a plan. In the following months, we sought expert guidance, and I dedicated myself to researching everything I could about adolescent depression. Though it was tough to resist checking in constantly, I wanted to provide support without overwhelming him.
Eventually, things began to improve. I often found myself in tears—crying for the time he had suffered alone, for my ignorance, and for the potential tragedy we had narrowly avoided. I was immensely grateful for Mr. Adams’ intervention and support.
During college orientation, all freshmen participated in an exercise called “Dear World.” Each student wrote their story on their bodies and posed for a photo. My son sent me his picture without prior notice, his arm outstretched, boldly declaring, “I CAN FEEL THE DAYLIGHT” on one side and “AGAIN” on the other.
This was incredibly powerful and brave. When I saw it, I cried—not just for how far he had come, but because he was willing to share his story to help others. When I asked if I could share his experience, he enthusiastically agreed, believing it could aid other parents unaware of their children’s struggles.
Here’s what we have learned:
- Talk openly about mental health,
- Encourage sharing,
- Listen for verbal hints, and
- Observe for signs of struggle.
Ask them about their stress relief strategies and reassure them that you’re there to help. Share my son’s story and inquire if they’ve ever felt numb or surrounded by darkness. Research indicates that discussing mental health doesn’t intensify these feelings; rather, it brings them into the light, paving the way for healing.
“Mom, can we talk?”
“Always, at any hour…”
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Summary:
This article shares an emotional recount of a mother’s unexpected conversation with her son about his struggle with depression. It emphasizes the importance of open communication regarding mental health, the need for supportive resources, and the power of sharing personal experiences to help others.
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